random

I don't fancy the new blogger interface. It's draggy though it's supposed to be made simple and "designer". Anyway maybe I'm just feeling extra edgy at the moment. Well had a good day out with friends. It's alright. But just when the night falls and the thought of having to go back to work makes me feel really sick. Why do I feel that? What do I feel? Utter disappointment plus resentment = extreme unhappiness. Everyone need a pat on the shoulder. And when there is no pat on a shoulder for a prolonged period of time + more ridiculous demand = the feeling of lethargic. Because of my dad's retrenchment years back, I told myself I'm not going to work in a company for life. But recently, I found out I based my life on just a company. A company I trusted and loved for a good long seven years because of a direction and a belief I have in mind and lots of faith. But the faith seems to be burning out..as with the dispersion of direction and fading values I observed. and yes. as much as I hate to mention. I'm feeling depressed and desperately needed a clean break rather than climbing up walls pasting wall stickers to save 10% profit margin that disperse into unknown area, a bottomless pit. I'm an ambitious person who takes work as challenge and willing to work hard. Never mind the extra hours and sweat or tears too. I will bite my teeth to do something. I have a scar on my leg from hot glue gun while trying to squeeze myself into a window display with a unrealistic design. I beg and play silly with people just to achieve something with a real limited resources. I sweat like hell being summoned to organise merchandising during peak season just after I rush out photoshoot and catalog and promotional stuffs. I do last min shop drawing because a presentation is needed to save a space. But am I involved and asked for opinion in actual store design? Ans so far is no. never. I write brand story for presentation. But not given budget to really fulfilling what it takes to build the brand. I shared about giving as company value, but I see nothing about doing things for customers as human beings. This is why I needed a break. A company should know their why of doing things. I need a why too. All the above, I don't see a glimpse of why. My boss told me to think in his position. I did. I do all the time. He asked me what is the most important thing in the company. The answer he wanted is "to stay afloat". So I gave him that. I'm no hypocrite. But that's no point arguing or saying otherwise too. Staying afloat is important but rethinking the why and how to live up to it is critical especially at times of crisis. This would be what I love to answer him. Oh one more thing, all that I do, my boss told me is not my priority. All the liaising and coordinating of merchandising schedules, pasting of stickers, doing signage are not my priority. I agree. He just need me to support these things when necessary. Funnily, these things are always necessary so 90% of my time is on non priority list. If you have just one life to live, would you want to spend 90% of your time on non priority list? I wouldn't want to, but im exactly doing that now. Which is the reason of my unhappiness.

My priority list:
To learn more about business, to test on my acumen.
To earn more income so I don't have to compare prices of bread in supermarket, or so I can tell my mum to quit her job because I can give her allowance.
To prepare for wedding and future nest with Bird.
To set up my own business or at least living to my values.
To go Finland to witness aurora myself.
To be happy.

These are my priority. Can I ask my boss to put himself in my shoes now? haha
There is an old saying that "Bosses and employees' perspectives would never match." This is the new era with heighten consciousness and awareness. An era about design thinking and human development. An era where people seek to live with meaning and fulfillment. An era where tv advertisement becomes entertainment shows, promotion becomes cheap thrills for companies who think they are doing something to increase productivity and profit. Time always changes. What is the one thing that remains constant? The heart. From? Heart in us. When all fails, listen to the heart. Maybe bosses should listen to the hearts of human (customers, employees instead of reading the heartbeats of sales.) Why look at something that you an predict like the sales forecast when it is the heartbeats of people that fuel the actual business.