How many times have I dreamt of sitting by a tranquil lake in the embrace of nature with birds singing and my feet in the cool water as I stir alittle ripples and admire the reflection of the surrounding on the face of the clear water:) This is simply so lovely!!!
Bee is feeling not so good at this very moment after my brother shared something with me. I'm actually quite astonished by how much he seems to be affected by it. I'm too. I sensed the fear in him and my dad. The solemn is there in the air. The fear that seeps into each word they say and perhaps think. The hope for the universe to be kind. The worries that linger behind my mind as I set into a auto mode of solution finding steps.
But well it isn't a design project. It has too much not within my control. And I have limited ability in this case. It is at this moment, I thought of what Brother bear said just the other day. "Everything has its causes and effects. Call it reason or karma. And at some point of time, when there isn't much you can do, you just have to hope we have planted some good seeds somehow somewhere along our life journey and perhaps that could show us a way out"
Or should I trust that everything happens for a reason..and that maybe whatever happens is blessing in disguise..
Well... a step at a time. Keep cool and calm. Show no emotion or expression. Sometimes when you didn't know what to do, this seems to be the best way out.
So as the eldest in the family, I just smile at my bro and told him well we shall see and mindset is very important too. So think positive. Guess this is the deal of being the eldest. You learn how to bite your teeth and tried your best to keep everything in place together and forward. You learn how to smile when you are feeling bitter inside. You learn to stay afloat as graceful as possible though you are peddling like mad under the water like a swan. You learn to be prepared for the worst and to get some rough idea of getting through tough times. This reminds me of Girl Guide's motto "Be prepared". Even when I'm still a kiddo, I love this statement and believe that this is one way to live. Be prepared.
Be prepared doesn't mean we won't lose, but it means we tried our best to be strong, to survive and win the game. Be prepared and not forgetting to be happy.
Bee's a fighter. This is my way of regaining my composure and energy.
This is what I found on my desk when I reach office today!! Wow I visualize a big fat rounded bumblebee that bird is feeding!!! Awww lovely breakfast!!! But I have to put the chocolate away into the drawer!!! if not its just too tempting!!!!
Have you ride on roller coaster before? How do you feel? Love it or hate it? Well I would not ride one if given a choice. I did n didn't quite like it. But it seems I'm on a roller coaster ride on a pretty frequent basis in terms of my life. One moment I'm sky rocket high, next moment I'm falling and swing by the thread. I never allow myself to fall off the "ride" at least that's one good thing. No matter how low I get, I will try to find ways to re bounce back into position n gearing to swing up again. Yeah its exciting as much as it can get tiring. I was in rocket high n then I seems to hit some clouds in the middle n my mood and emotions and perhaps vision get clouded. I know I will be alright, just this moment im suddenly feeling really quiet.. and alone n as if no one can help to swing the roller coaster ride up if I don't do it myself. In a contemplative mode.
Well I have jot down an evening of joy n new found insights which I can't wait to share but at this moment I have hit my down time somehow. Perhaps it's time to sleep n look forward to the sun to be up n to restart the roller coaster up high again. That has been quite the life I'm living. Exciting isn't it? Haha I remember I wrote something about free fall when I was 21. Something about sometimes instead of resisting, why not let yourself fall. Because sometimes its only when u fall completely n let go the struggles that u can find your newfound force.
Woke up earlier today, got out of house earlier. Walk slowly to the train station as I enjoy the morning scenery of birds flying, gliding in the sky from trees to trees. The birds are chirping beautifully. I wonder what were they saying and I'm imagining myself able to understand their language when I hear them long enough. Maybe I just will eh. Hehe
Treat myself to some butter cookies in the round tin! My favourite cookies! It's more of the feeling of nostalgia that fascinate me rather than the cookies. This is the cookies I ate when I was a kiddo, picking those with sugar and raisins first. Oh and I love how they have layers of papers inside to cover the cookies n hold each individual shape of cookies:) love how eating the first layer, you got a second layer below! Hehe nice! Loving it! Especially I'm treating myself to milk as well! Hehe feeling like a kid! Yum yum! Good Friday morning!
woohoo!!! saw this today!!! while walking in to work. hehe that sparks up my morning!
I thought it was a bird that flew pass, so tiny, so swift. It landed on a tree. I take a close look, thinking that its a bird biting on to a piece of green leafy. And suddenly realise it has tail!!! it's a lizard!! a draco!
A flying dragon?! hehehe so excited!!! Google on it and its name is really Draco! Draco sumatran! hehe
Strangely! Bird sent me this in the morning before I met the lizard who took the leap.
I didn't quite get it till Bird text me again
" The pic is an encouragement to take a leap and do what you wish
because sometimes it takes falling to fly"
How amazing isn't it?! haha and here I met a flying lizard! who don't really fly but take leap from a vantage height in order to glide!! woohooo!
It's amazing how it glide and able to aim the landing point so swiftly!!!
Great Morning to start with!!!
Now it gets me thinking what do I wish to do and gota take that leap!!!
That's quite a list!
1. In terms of work; Yeah! Service, organization structure design! Designing, sparkling and sustaining the pulse of organization! That's what I love to do! I always thought I love to do branding, but recently an insight show me (Thanks to the strength quest Bird let me do) that I love something beyond and deeper than branding, I'm interested to be the doctor of a organization, to monitor the pulse of it, the morale of each individual, the momentum of the heartbeats and sustaining a healthy pulse!
2. In terms of fun; I would love to paint something on a canvas! But always cant get an idea what to paint! hehe so here's something to play on!
3. In terms of life; To get on next phrase of life, to marry! haha (Something I used to have resistance, fear towards because it seems woman's life is so short. You marry, kids and turn "yellow") But with Bird, it feels so natural and looking forward to this next phrase together:)
Will I be less of a time bomb if I wear dress more often? Had a cool time taking a walk in west coast park, sorting out thoughts, writing reflections and yea kind of pulled myself from the pit bottom with recognition of love and appreciative moments. It was good.. Till bird told me something in relate to things n happening at work that sparks my fire burning sky high. Something I find it ridiculous and I can't tolerate things that seems so out of point. As much as good as my energy does in work, it can be as explosive sometimes. I just don't know mediocrity well enough I guess. From young, there is only love or hate, nothing in between. There is only yes or no, nothing maybe. But the world don't quite able to take a bee like this. So emotionally, I'm either up or down. I learn to be more moderate and practice going with the flow. But I struggle. Because I'm just not a bee to simply fly without knowing where I'm going. (read a book mention that less than 5% of the swarm of bees know exactly where they are going, they are simply following flying together with the neighbors.) sometimes I wish I can be more like this and stop holding myself responsible for everything. And most of all stop holding myself to fix anything. Bird said there are things that are within our control, but there are things that are simply without reason out of our control. I understand this theory. I agree. But understanding and agreeing doesn't help me to be more acceptance. Though in this case, there is nothing I could do but to accept this theory. I'm not asking to change why is out of our control.. But I'm seeking to understand and do our best for what we can control as much as we could.
Well well. If time is short and life is unpredictable then why not we do things to the best as much as we could. How well we do something can be controlled isn't it? What is the kind of result we want can be controlled isn't it? Agh well... I'm on that roller coaster. I'm glad I have a "shock-proof" bird that feathers didn caught in fire when the bee burst into fiery flames. Yeah it may seems silly to be on fire myself when it's someone else ignorance. Oh well.. Im silly and that's me. And to bird who may be reading this.. Pardon me for my spit fire. I'm like a can of shaken beer!
I'm actually laying on bed typing this. I'm excited visualising wedding photo shoot for my dear friend n am so touched by the theme both she and her hubby choose and sincerely with all my heart feeling elated for her! That amount of joy is priceless:) and I'm excited about "the gift" Im gonna give to them. Don't have 100% confidence in doing it well but certainly I b doing it with my whole heart n soul:)
Just as I'm laying on bed, I receive a text from my ex student (from some 8 years ago or more) reminding me to join her at her bday party tmr. Once again, I feel touched to be invited and excited to share the joy each of this lovely people is experiencing. Joy is a priceless gift:)
"Just saw a seemingly very old couple trying to get off the bus.. The old granny walk very slowly, looks quite weak.. And the uncle slowly help her to get off the bus. Somehow I assume they r couple. N a thought come across my busy mind. Our time on earth can be so swift and short. N that's provided we live that old n imagining growing old with a lovely partner is really a beautiful thing. N yet another thought come across my mind, imagine growing old, time together suddenly seems shorter than it ever seems..n so precious! Because both are weak n we never know who would part the earth first. It's scary. Hmmm it makes me think if we ever fight, let's remember our life time together can b so short and it's too priceless to fight over anything." - a random note to Bird while on my bus ride home
Hermie send me a link.. of Hindi Zahra's video Beautiful Tango and get me into it all...
Great one!! Hermie just know how to spice things up for me! haha doing some boring work, listening to these music and it sure gets me into an arty mood!
Dance! Write! Paint! Time to do all these! hehe
suddenly words flow pass my mind and get me wondering since when I stop writing to music..
Yeah! Had an exciting, nervous day of identifying available units, their pros and cons and availability of a nest. It is kind of a challenge, especially when have to work around something slightly away from ideal. Yea! Nothing is perfect and life is too short to wait for perfection and so as an almost perfectionist bee.. I had a hard time choosing and making remarks on excel spreadsheets so as to choose the almost perfect one. While doing all these, I'm refreshing the page to update the latest availability. Yea! I had a whole afternoon for myself, doing something for myself and Bird! This kind of make me feel so much time is spent worrying and thinking of work and progress yet so little is spent on accessing my well being, my longing and future. So I'm happy, very happy that both bird and bee manage to pick our nest pretty smoothly! And best of all, it's not the low floor as I was conditioning my mind and lowering my expectation to. Hehe so yap! I'm contented:) And finally it's progress in my personal life! One thing checked, out of the many to be done in order to so call settle down. I would prefer to call it growing into the next phrase of life:) I'm thankful! Many would not understand my decision on staying so far from parents but well, wherever it is, at least I'm still in the same island home. And whatever adjustment, adaptation I have to made, I know I have Bird with me. So everything will be ok. We will get it all work out.
I'm happy I'm progressing in my personal life! Next will be calculating the finance, re-looking into the job prospect (I don't enjoy being a tool to be stretched which my lil boss mentioned mindlessly. I like to be working efficiently, I don't mind working hard, but I would prefer working smart), getting my long half baked portfolio up, dreaming up a simple meaningful day of the union of Bird and Bee. Excited! Am excited and this excitement is exactly what I need! To look forward, making a dream come true!
Wooohooo!!! Went supermarket shopping with Bird not knowing exactly what Bird is up to, except that he seems like he is gonna cook since he was searching up and down for marmite, steak, chicken, chilli sauce and stingray! Thats pretty gutsy to me! Haha because though I did whip up a few dishes for Bird, I have never really dare to cook anything from its rawest state; I just didn't have the confidence of transforming a piece of thick red piece of beef into a plate of beautifully served medium rare steak! Nor have I ever thought of cooking fish.. The only fish I cooked perhaps is fish fillet! So i kept pretty quiet the whole journey of shopping, just following and at the far back of my mind, I was secretly thinking it better be Bird know how to cook those raw stuffs! Because I have the slightest idea how to! So I'm just enjoying what I love to do, super market shopping with loved ones! And indeed bird surprised me with his pretty delicious well done steak and chicken fillets with potato cream soup in almost less than an hour! Yes! I have attached photos here as evidences that Bird really can cook! I was told not to take photos of his cooking process nor stand around while he is preparing the dish. So I just occasionally turned my head to watch him cook in the kitchen so attentively! Yea!! I'm impressed! Because I never thought that Bird would cook not because I think he can't.. Just thinking he probably would not want to do so! So when he did! I'm elated and touched of course! Awe I missed out the best dish of the day! The stingray! It was the nicest of them all! And it was cooked with much patience since we cant wrap the fish in aluminium foil and grill it in the microwave! Bird wrapped it up and kind of steam or grilled it patiently in the cooking pan instead! I only realise I forget to snap a photo after we finished the fish! A man who is willing to whip up dishes for his woman is rare it seems. And it certainly melts me when Bird does! There is no candlelight, no five star hotel setting, no seaview but this dinner that Bird prepared is way beyond all that! It's priceless! aww I love you! And thank you:)
Bird is lovely!!!! He is mixing and "cooking" the rice from pepper lunch for bee! Bee is touched watching how he gently stirred the rice, mix the ingredients (even added my fav ingredients; cheese and mushrooms) and portion it into a small bowl for me since I can't eat so much! Aww! Seriously I'm feeling so pampered! Hehe reminds me of how my mum portion my rice and had a hard time feeding me. So well I have found a man who could have the patience with me and take care of bee! Yea! Every woman, no matter how smart or independent..at the end of the day, still yearn for someone who they could feel taken care of! I'm touched! I'm blessed! I'm thankful:)
It's a Saturday morning. I woke up on and off through out the night and early morning. I wanted to sleep longer but my neck and shoulders are so stiff till I could sleep properly. I tried focusin on my breath while lying down. I tried sitting up on my bed to clear my thoughts. And eventually, I open up my cabinets to look for a new note book to maybe start writing something constructive. I love note books. They are like chapters of life. I browse through my old CDs and one which an old friend gave caught my eyes. I love those handwritten titles of songs in a rough piece of paper. The handwriting is not one of the nicest but I love watching handwriting. It's an irony how with more knowledge exposed nowadays, people are writing lesser in hand. I'm guilty of it too. I love writing. Writing makes me feel calm. Just as this space allows me to express myself, reflect and calm down. I write. Maybe I should write more in hand too. CDs are the next thing expressive of each person's characters. Whenever I feel out of tune with people around me, not being able to relate and associate, I go back to my collection of CDs. I feel connected to myself and though they are not really the mainstream music where people listen in this part of the earth. I know since someone bothers to publish it, somewhere out there, there must be people just like me relating and and indulging in this music. And my heart and soul is with them. I am not alone. Yes. Music has that power beyond the words that's been sung, the melody that's been played, music connects people, music makes you feel you are not alone. Music makes me tick when all seems dull. Whenever I feel down or unmotivated, I went searching for eccentric voices and powerful quirky music that keeps my "heartbeats" ( my passion ) going. Just like yesterday, I found this French girl named Zaz. I have no idea what she is singing, but to watch her singing in the back alley of a street with friends playing cello and guitar..in a casual fun manner, it makes me feel alive! I love how she smile and sing and tap to the beats all so naturally. I long to be like her. I long to be enjoying doing something and feeling like I'm doing it great and well and spreading the fun to people around. Yes! I'm longing this. Watching her singing, it makes me question myself what is the one passion that I can't live without. That losing it will e losing a piece of my soul. Perhaps is to be able to express myself and by doing so bring a greater good to people. Maybe that is the reason why I'm working in this company for years now. Because I believe it is a platform to express myself and its giving culture of building relationships to bring greater good to people. But recently I have qualms about it. I'm not so sure if I'm still aligned or rather is the company still align with what I believe. And this is making me uncomfortable and not so happy. I felt suppressed from being expressive in some off ways. I felt suppressed from being my whole and initiating projects for a good cause. Be it initiating outings or initiating things to do to make our customers feel our giving. Something feels hollow. Something kind of stop me from doing so. Because I can't see company's passion in doing so. Well yes, people are busy. There is revenue to catch up. But still as they show people Simon Sinek's video of the golden circle; how company should start from inside out, starting from why, how, what. I felt some sense of hypocrisy in it. I doubt if the head here really understand what it takes. To start from why a company does certain thing and to live up to it, takes effort and commitments and lots of passion! I can't blame company for not being sure. But I just can't tolerate mediocrity where people only see the surface of something and jump onto it like its a bandwagon to lead to great revenue. No it shouldn't be like this. And yes perhaps I'm being very idealistic and opinionated but well this is me. So anyway perhaps that's why I'm waking up to books this morning. I'm desperately seeking for some form of motivation, some form of lights to convince myself I can make a difference..I can make the company see this. Or can I? Really? Whether I can or not, I need some self motivation, I need knowledge. I'm thirsty for knowledge that can speaks my soul. I don't mind pouring myself into reading or heavy brainstorming or mind mapping. Thats what gonna make me stay afloat. I need hope. Even if the company don't see it in the end, I need to be doing something to build a platform for myself to express myself to people, to convey the fact that story telling, brand crafting and establish core values is an important task for any brand to be successful.
That designers are not simply for aesthetic. Like someone in the company love calling it. "let's do some aesthetic" True. What we do makes it aesthetically appealing but beyond the surface, it's thoughts and hard works to illustrate a purpose, to strike a connection with people. I hate it when they simply misunderstood the point of a window display. A window is like a opening to the soul of a company. But it seems to be forgotten. Now the window is for whatever that's not selling too well. But still we did our best. Had some fun while fixing up the window with my fellow colleagues. Reminds me of the good o days where we pour our heart into crafting a story as we place each turtle at a right angle.. Haha I miss that. My heart is feeling abit of how people feel after being in a long relationship and the partner seems to forget the why we get together, the promise and pictures they painted. And here I'm still holding onto some kind of hope for "the partner" to reignite and remember "the why" and come to me and give me a hug or a cuddle and tell me "everything is gonna be okay and let's do this together."
Well well, didn't expect this to b such a long posting since I'm typing from iPhone, sitting on my bed with curtain slightly drawn to let some morning sun in...books on my bed, on the floor and I am facing a cabinet full of books open in front of me. What shall I read?
Just had a look at hdb website with colleagues as they taught us how to choose.. What are the pros and cons of each unit and location. Well was pretty disheartened when I saw the number of units taken up already..and our appointment is next week! But then having a good laugh at how my two lovely colleagues cracking jokes as they sharing with us kind of make things looks brighter, lighter. And well even if we dont get this, guess its because it's because there is a chance for us to get a better number next time! At least, we should be glad that we got some numbers though out of the number of units. At least there is an appointment date given to us and package for us to go through. At least it gives some sort of hope and makes the waiting time a little less bitter:)
This video get me dancing around in my room!! yeah!! give me some experimental stuffs like this!!! Jeez! yeah! hands up in the air!!! let the papers fly! quit the queue! If someone is dying and still have to wait for paper work to go through from A to B to C to..... Is it still consider efficiency? How many times you heard people behind the office desks said they are trying! But trying is not enough if what someone is competing with time to stay alive. Trying is to shallow a word. Say do your best. Not try your best.
Aww this is such amazing simple song that speaks so much for some part of the world where so often being forgotten.
Mother,
I've gotta get out of here
So I can save our family
From this poverty
And when I make my money
I'll send it back to you
Father,
Give me strength, I pray
I have to end this misery
It's causing too much pain
I'm gonna look for richer lands
Where the money's made
I'm gonna put my whole world
In your hands
I have to put my whole world
In your hands
In your hands
Mister,
Please let me work somehow
You've kept me waiting eighteen months
And still I'm not allowed
And everytime you promise me :
"Not much longer now "
I've to put my whole world
In your hands
You've got my whole world
In your hands
In your hands
Listen to me, listen to me
Mister,
Mr ! You say you're trying
But don't you know my brother's dying
You say "It won't be long"
But why am I so cursed
For where I am born ?
You've got my whole world
In your hands
I've had to put my whole world
In your hands
I'm gonna put my whole world
In your hands
I've had to put my whole world
In your hands
In your hands.
Love this video!!! and his voice!! amazing! it gives me new energy and inspiration for some cool fun wedding shoot and style and for my work too! Hello Alone, love the title!!! xoxoXO!!
Yeah after a day of feverish groggy Bee yesterday, today finally woke up with more energy and excitement! (Though I'm trying to let myself over the moon, over excited about almost everything and burst my energy before getting out of my house!)
But... cant help to say I'm really excited about having walk with Bird and Chickie later. Of course and the "sushi" roll Chickie is preparing! Snacks!!!! aww im excited! im jumpy in my heart! This is great!! awesome! Oh and I'm finally in more of a mood to dress up after flipping through some catalog from Mango. haha
so here I'm writing out loud my excitement!
1. excited about the video and photoshoot
2. excited about wedding shoots and style
3. excited about writing painting a story for LBS
(tho bubble may be burst by brother bear at some point like it always happen but still im enjoying the excitement first)
4. excited about the sushi rolls, snapping of photos during our walk later!
5. excited to piece a moodboard up in the name of love for how music change our life in an instant!
6. excited about being a visual designer yeah! bringing whatever in the mind into visuals...
Woo and I love this video too!!! "I love your smile"!!
it makes me smile! and yeah! its Audrey Tautou!!!
She's such a charm!!! makes me picturing myself wearing that suit of hers during the shoot!! hehe
Just watched Hugo with Bird.. Nice movie about the making and pioneer of movie, the magic of it all, the dream. Get me thinking how many of us works for a dream nowadays.
