Remain mindful is a key to be appreciative

I was reading kind of intensely in the train, on my way to the east to meet Bird for breakfast. Suddenly something rolled past me and took my eyes from my iPad. It was an indian woman who seated on a handicap mobile bike, apparently steer her bike wrongly and instead of moving front, it rolled back and hit onto another passenger. The passenger was kind to immediately reassure the woman that it's alright. The woman was with a man, I would assume its her husband who carry a plank and laid it on the gap between the platform n train door for the woman to ride her bike over the plank to he platform. Just at this point, the train door is closing n just within a few seconds, the door closes just as the man pick up the plank and move out and place the plank at the back of the woman. Through the whole process, she seems nonchalant to the man and everything around her. It's understandable. She rode fast ahead of the man as they probably heading out of the station. But as an observer, something stirs some thoughts and emotion in me. A visual of a man and woman holding hands strolling along a park appear in my mind. This seemingly small and simple gestures and so much. Imagine riding the mobility bike and not able to hold hand with the partner. I feel for it, for her, for that moment. Maybe I'm feeling too much. But that's a call to be appreciative for each and every moment and gestures with thankfulness and grace. How would the man feel when the woman riding fast ahead seemingly filled with resentment. Well I have to clarify that all this is simply a slice of my perspectives. But frankly, this moment, situation and perspective is common and could happen to anyone of us. What we do? It's tough to remain thankful when there is something not so nice happen to us. This is the truth, but it is also important to be conscious about how we hold our perspectives and how our reactions, actions could affect people, loved ones around us.

Life in rainbow

Have been finding it so hard to settle down and write even though ideas, thoughts, words have been popping in and out. Finally, I'm on leave. Long awaited. Though it's just a few days but sometimes all you need is just that few days to get away from things, responsibilities for others and be responsible for myself. Jump out of bed, paranoid about work, make some phone calls and texts to settle things. Go back to bed and can't sleep. Woke up to breakfast and reading papers. Started raining heavily as the sun comes out to join the fun. My mum was saying the weather is mad. I told her excitedly "that means there is chance for rainbow!" I don't know exactly why I love rainbow so much! I just get excited each time I see one, knowing each one is a miracle that I seen. 

Because rainbow is created only at that precise angle where the sun shines its light on the little droplets of moisture in earth's atmosphere.

It shows the beautiful colours in a spectrum of light which we don't usually see in light we experience. In fact, I google about rainbow and visibility and realise its a gift that human can see such beautiful colours because most animals can't, except birds!!! Birds could see wider range of colors than us!! aww that is getting me sooo excited!!! And Im thankful that Birds can see colours because if not, they wouldn't know the beauty of their feathers eh. We tends to forget the gifts we have as human and not able to see our true power and beauty within. It is always here. We are born with gifts, it is up to us to unwrap each gift and let it shine. 

Speaking of rainbow, I used to look for it and hope I could see one. I will look up the sky and wonder where are the rainbow. How come I don't see one. I will feel disappointed when it seems everyone sees it except me and when I really do see one, I hope it could last longer. Or there are times when I literally run after a rainbow, trying to catch a better glimpse of it, but by the time, I reach there, its gone. I was disappointed once again. 

However, what I really miss is not the rainbow. What I really miss is living, life, miracles because beauty of rainbow exists in me. 

It is a gift that I am born to be able to witness rainbows. 

Each of us is like a light. We are made of beautiful colors. 

We can choose to recognize our colors, our gifts and let it shine.

There is no need to be disappointed where everyone sees it except me. Because the rainbow already exist in us, in the things we see, in our perspectives of things, in the life we touch. 

There is no need to wish it lasts longer because we can choose to let our "rainbow" shines, paint a beautiful picture and let our beauty lasts as long as we want.

There is no need to chase after rainbow because it is here. It has always been. 

Well,  I didn't see rainbow in the sky today. But as I look up, here's a beautiful sun rays shining through the dark clouds, shining its glorious beauty upon us. I wonder how many have witness this moment? Are we getting too used to being too busy to look up the sky and marvel at its grandeur? How many things have we missed when we are busy making things happen? 

This reminds me of a line in the song "Beautiful boy" by John Lennon; 

"Life is just what happens to you,

While your busy making other plans,"

Something to remember

Woke up from a nightmare that get on my nerves.. How do I transform this force to usable energy? This is the question I been asking myself as I walk out of my house. How do you understand your needs and exactly how you should address to it?

Well this is what I do:
Wear dress with colour close to nature; white and green
Wear something handmade ( necklace to add on feathers, the loud colour brightens up my mood alittle)
Recall the energy I garner in a walk. Remember the speed Im walking. Keep walking n get on the same pace at that moment that makes me feel whole.
Have faith and trust that there is a compass in my core that will lead me on a path where I need n best at this very moment.
I can choose my perspectives. Or even create new ones.
I understand myself and to soothe my mind, I need to listen to the movement of my compass n feel the alignment to my heart. I will know what to do.
Everything is alright as they are.
If this situation and moment feel challenging, that's because I'm like a caterpillar that's on the verge to fly out of my cocoon.
I am in control as much as I want, it all depends on how I work around and through those thick layers of cluttered mind.
I love myself and this love is enough to make me whole. I don't need any gratification from anyone else.
I have the gifts n strengths to empower. And empowerment begins from my core with my heart

random

I need to learn how to relax..and let my mind eases...
Stop holding myself responsible for every damn things.
Need a no plan, no agenda day
Need a massage/ retail therapy
Good sashimi
Good cooling weather
Breathe
Watch drama (yea korean drama is kind of brainless and yap blank)
Continue drawing mind map.. get a multicolor pen and decorate it
Write my profile, make some links
Drink some flora tea

On track

So I'm giving myself a tough time these couple of days, feeling like a dormant volcano that cant contain itself any much longer. Energy is welling up into balls of fire that just have to be transformed into some form of art before I get burnt out by these overwhelming emotions.

Suddenly I'm in a mood of:

1. Shopping for a man's watch for myself! The tougher the better. Tough metal and sexy cut.
2. Shopping for a Kate Spade bag! haha Have been convincing myself that I don't need one but since I'm just writing here and it doesn't cost a single cent to wish and be vain in writing so here it is.
3. Buy some junks of chains to weave my dried leaves and seeds together.  Got the stuffs!
4. Drink some red and white wine and chill out somewhere.
5. Write a letter of appreciation for myself
6. Write a letter of recommendation for my boss (tell him the vision thing is passe, its gonna be action)
7. Get some weird colour eye shadows (Olive green, black purple, hot pink, mustard yellow)
8. Splashing paint on T shirt and cut holes from it.  Yeah cut up a hand painted T shirt!
9. Wear high heels
10. Collect watches and swiss knives!
11. Be a modelYeah model for Bird in my hand painted and cut T today!
12. Draw some nudes
13. Get a red err or maybe purple moleskin notebook Got a red notebook! no moleskin since they don't have soft red cover. But yea the red is beautiful nonetheless:)
14. Do different things, designs based on my name. Because I'm special and I love my name.
15. Shatter some glass and make it into a piece of art
16. Twist some metal wire
17. Design a programme called "MindGATE crasher" - empower people to crash the gate of their mind to free their soul and live true connected to their heart.
18. Go dancing! or rather jumping on the dance floor

Thankful Monday:)

What are the chances of finding saga seeds on office desk early in the morning?! Well yeah here's a lovely saga seed still in its pod, placed by Bird so gently on my desk! Certainly perks up my Monday morning! Had an almost sleepless night..drifting in and out of some thoughts, seemingly approaching some tipping point but kit couldn't quite grasp it. Something is telling me something, maybe something in me is growing. And I could not hold myself in silence any more, some great power gotta shine, like how the morning sun rays pierce through the curtains. Listening to some lovely love songs found by Bird! I'm certainly in a mood of love and dreams! Well before going to another not so exciting meeting, here's me saying thanks to lovely things and people in my life; thank you all for being around with me, the birds in the sky and my dear owl. Thank you for lovely songs and corn soup in a bird's mug:) can't wait to get a bottle to place those seeds and acorns we collected! Thank you for sun light and blue sky:)
Be the change I want to see:) It's time!

We have the power to choose

There is something that perhaps give a false sense of security about following a routine and a set of patterns and habits. We human, like it or not, we are pretty habitual animals. We are good at establishing habits and following it consistently. Well I must admit, at some point, following a habit seems like the most convenient thing to do and perhaps the most time efficient thing. But how do we assure we are not trapped by patterns we established ourselves?
I realise most of my fears arise from patterns, from memories of how certain things could turn out to be based on past experiences which my mind seems to automatically sweep it into some set of patterns. There seems to have something like an activator of fear from each of these patterns.

Patterns are perhaps crafted from our different levels of fear and beliefs. If we could switch our mindset and change a perspective, we may notice pattern is there because we fear. I saw someone recently which reminded me of how fragile I was, how powerless I could be, how deep hurts could bring, how trust could be played out. It certainly stings. I remember that sting, I suddenly find myself scared of being caught in those same patterns. I certainly didn't want to feel powerless, ugly and unloved. The patterns repeat in my mind, the fear increases. And at some point, I made a conscious choice to say it's enough. I stood up for myself this time round. Why do I have to succumb to some sort of pattern that my mind wired up itself with memories of pain. Because undeniably, as the word pain could be felt, it's usually deep and sharp, which means definitely unforgettable in some ways. So it's only natural for the brain to wired itself up something unforgettable. But why do I have to take my mind so seriously when ultimately I'm the master of it. I have the power to hold it, empower it and of course setting it free from these patterns. Yes I made an conscious choice. I love, I give love to my mind from my heart. I called upon the energy of love. Because just as I know fear, I know love too. So why don't I let them meet and perhaps greet each other with grace instead of letting one hurting the other. I choose love. I felt loved. And most importantly, I know as much as I could be powerless and fragile, I have a heart of love to give. I choose to be love and to love, instead of being fear and be afraid.

Home

I'm not a city lover but there is something about the night skyline of a city that captivates me so quietly. And this seems to happen no matter where I am. I remember once I was staying in an apartment in Hongkong, one situated above a shopping mall and overlooking several layers of highways or we call it flyovers here. I couldn't sleep and didn't really want to watch TV, so I look out of the window and was captivated by the familiarity in that unfamiliarity. Sounds paradoxical? Well, I'm not trying to be profound or doing a word play here. But simply, it is a feeling that I can't find proper words to describe or is it even an emotion that I'm feeling? I'm not exactly sure about it. But the night skyline soothes me for the first few nights in a unfamiliar place. The lights, the seemingly ceaseless traffics event till late nights, the quiet sound of traffic, the speed, the road lamps seems to lit up like stars in the dark sky. The tall buildings still brightly lit, the residential homes that seems so filled with activity still. And most of all, it leads me to something familiar; home. It reminds me of times at home after work, eating dinner, watching Tv, taking a shower, talks on daily happenings. Did I miss home so much that I seems to see these familiar routines in those homes that still brightly lit up across where I stay? Maybe. I must say it's comforting.

Well what inspires this post was my journey home earlier across a flyover that oversee a beautiful skyline of Singapore, especially with the new garden by the bay. I was impressed by the design of the garden in the city and the diversity it carefully designed, though perhaps not so naturally placed together. The art science museum, the flyer, the casino, the club on a floating platform, the park and hotel. It's so beautiful that despite the fact that I have passed by that flyover several times and was pretty engaged reading a book, I just had to look up and marvel at that grandeur of the night skyline. The lights of the architectures that accentuates the beauty. Somehow the moment reminds me of my gratitude for being a citizen of this place each time before the plane landed on this home ground. No matter how nice it is to be somewhere else for holiday or work. The moments that perhaps I seldom share with anyone; it's a moment of excitement just before the planes touches down and the sight of Changi Airport, the clear night sky, the lined trees, the brightness of the lamps along the road side. It's at this moment, that I'm so glad that I'm home and proud to be here. For all its flaws, there is something so unique about this small island. Or perhaps it's simply because it's home.