Monday, September 17, 2012

Seeing in different angles

Designed some simple graphics patterns with colourful shapes like hour glasses and disintegrated hourglass to illustrate time.

"Time is not about how much we accomplished. It's about how much we choose to live." - wrote this on the card to remind myself to live instead of keep trying to achieve.

I value growth and achievement. But thought there could b other perspectives to it.

Something I'm quite proud of today:
Kept quiet throughout meeting instead of trying to offering solutions to situations where any solutions given would be deem useless in some way.

Instead I learnt to smile more and engage in getting to know someone more. Her daughter is beautiful. Charming cheerful smile like hers.

I do a little humor as I allow my heart to be lighter today. Instead of being frustrated on certain unnecessary requests and pull a long face, I smile and crack a joke.

I did some technical drawings which would usually agitate me and make me doubt my worth. Again humor works a little and guess after the black out. episode recently, I kind of learn to take things easier. I drew them as instructed by bro bear who sat right beside me. Instead of sounding frustrated or uncooperative, I asked for his comments, how he wanted it and tried my best to illustrate what he have in mind. And as for my worth, well guess even though drawing technical stuffs is not what I would consider an exciting challenge or proud achievements, I did help to put what is in the mind to the paper. (that's a designer's original job anyway).

Had dinner with Bird, browse a book on many "whys" on earth, that kind of satisfy my quest or thirst for growth somehow. Yea it's not something phenomenon that I learnt or achieve but well any increase in knowledge is baby steps of human growth isn't it.

Sunday, September 16, 2012

Lessons, holiday, life



Baby durian found in ubin:) There are soft!

Birds gliding in the sky in evening
I love Cycling.. in nature:D
Beautiful flower spotted by Bird
sitting by the pool, dreaming of being rich

"Swimming" love the view!!
Bird trying to snap a pic of a cat with jade color eyes:)
These been how I spent my time past few days, in fact over the weekends. My one week leave is coming to an end. Tomorrow is back to work. But before I slipped back into a every day's routine, thought I could note some of my experience here:

Had a great time at weekend stay over at Changi Village hotel. Well mainly because the rooftop with quiet swimming pool that opens up to the vastness of sea view and unlike roof top in MBS (which is cluttered with all sort of people), its really simple and idyllic here with birds chirping and flying around. And in the evening, there are bars, local or asian food line up just beside the hotel. It's like an island within an island feel for me. It's a short boat ride to Ubin which opens up to a rustic nature, birds soaring in the evening sky. I saw a pair of toucan birds, large birds, swallows, wild boars, many dogs and baby durian, a beautiful tranquil quarry lake with such nice water. And I'm grateful that I have Bird with me in all these beautiful pictures:)

A lesson about Richness:

In the evening, sitting by the pool with Bird, soaking in the ambiance, browsing magazine that showcases luxury watches, I can't help wondering how could I be rich, what business could I do to be rich to enjoy such exclusivity. I fight for growth, fight for increment, fight for fulfilment but being rich is never in my mind. I just wanted to have enough. What's enough? Well now to think of it, I'm not quite sure of that definition except that perhaps I'm being brought up to do enough, earn enough and keep trying to make enough. But the moment of tranquility by the pool opens up another perspective, another possibilities; Being rich is not for the rich only, being rich is for everyone. Richness comes in many forms. Being with Bird is an enriching experience. Being able to watch the birds and sunset, smell the flowers is richness. Love is richness. Most of all, it's alright to be rich. Maybe some of us are brought up in environment, thinking being rich means sacrifices of time, love and peace. But that night, something shifted in my mind or perhaps soul, rich is enriching. Rich can means growth, exclusivity, contributions, embrace of people, sharing joy, love and peace, power to give and many more. Rich encompasses different interconnectedness among various emotions. To be rich in monetary term, perhaps we have to begin with feeling rich in our consciousness (awareness), feel rich to give.

A lesson on how negotiating conflict in times of crisis is possible:

At night, we decided to watch a seminar video held by Tony Robbins, Negotiating conflict: Leadership in times of crisis. It is amazing how he bring clarity to two persons on polar ends to see each other eyes to eyes and eventually working together to form a association to spread peace. Something that I remember strongly was the subject on the four archetypes that exist in all of us and how to draw power from it. The warrior, magician, lover, sovereign.

A lesson on time:

I been reading a book by Mitch Albom; Timekeeper. "Time became the most precious commodity" something quoted from the book. It has somehow appear in my life for a good reason. At least I think so. I been always worry about not having enough time to do whatever I wanted to do. I worry that I would die too soon with too much dreams unfulfilled. This book shows me a different perspective about time. There is no such thing as time, if we human were not to count it or associate it to something else. We yearn for more time or faster or slower time, all because we associated time to something in our life. Just like I associated tomorrow; Monday to a work day because I have to be at somewhere doing something and everyone calls that a work day. But do we have to? Every day we are doing something, so at work or not, it doesn't have to be known as Monday. Can we associate Monday to fun, excitement? Well we can! And this one week holiday have made me aware of time somehow. Because as each day passes, I'm like getting stressed up about having to go back to work, to face some things that I'm not exactly happy about. But Monday is our time. Besides work, there could be alot more in it. Looking at my activities in one short week, I have many interactions with people, experiences, play, good food, nature, birds, love, knowledge and etc. None of these is really work. I have an issue of not being productive enough. But somehow my heart teaches me that productivity is not about how much work is accomplished but how much I have lived. I do feel that I live a great lot! Being with people I love, experiences that are uplifting. Time perhaps is how much space we gift ourselves. Perhaps guess I would have more to learn after finish reading the book. But right now, yeah! Let us create a space as large as we want in our life.

A lesson on breaths and vision:

I have always have difficulties in breathing once in a long while. Usually at over crowded places with thin air. My vision would turn green, my limbs would be slightly numb and sometimes, my vision would turn black. Yea. I would black out. Some open air and inhaler is good to bring me back. Yesterday, as I had an blackout episode in a bus while sitting down beside Bird. I was pretty much ok, alive, just a little sleepy. I leaned on Bird's shoulder and feeling uncomfortable with the position, I sat up and readjust myself. And suddenly, my vision turned green, breaths became short. Thinking that I would be fine after a while, I was not as fearful. Bird quickly used an inhaler for me to breathe. But my vision turned black. Yes I have consciousness. I tried opening my eyes, but I could only see black. Nothing. I hear voices around me. My limbs turned weak and I lost my strength to speak. Now, I'm really freaking out. I didn't think my life has come to an end. Not like this. That is my thought. I never really like black colour. People in design industry would know white is not a colour. But to me, black is not a colour because it's simply so dark that allows no light to go through, how could colour exist. Of course I know the science of it. But science cant really justify a lot of how we feel. I was so afraid, my thought was so loud "don't tell me I can't see anymore." Bird managed to get me out of the bus, I manage to caught a glimpse of light. But I still can't breathe well, felt really weak. I was so glad Bird is around. Bird brought me to clinic, doctor didn't find anything particularly wrong with me. Very slowly, I breathe again. I regained my energy bit by bit. Everything happened so fast it seems, yet it seems to be a long time. Being able to regain my vision, my energy back to my limbs, my voice, I realise I have so much. Many times, I am obsess with having a vision (a purpose), a dream in life. I have vision to see, to view, to appreciate. That's already a lot. Breathe is invisible, colorless, yet it's something we can't do without. What other things in life are invisible yet we can't do without? This is worth some thoughts.


















Sunday, September 9, 2012

A glimpse

Bee is finally quieting down to some alone time. Time to recollect, reminisce and perhaps reflect. Been busy with work n follows by activities. I love activities. I love gathering with people who I care. I feel it's a blessing to be invited to someone's home party to celebrate, be it house warming or a kid's birthday. So I attended both this weekends. It's nice to see everyone around; colleagues and friends. Visiting a friend or colleague's home brings much warmth to the relationship, understanding how a family live. Human is about exchanging the art of living together isn't it. Seeing joy in the host's face just makes me feel good. And seeing how a family and friends help each other out in a function like this, simple thing like passing a piece of tissue or clearing some trash, I smile inside and have to agree that there is nothing more important than family and being loved and giving love.

Somehow as I ran through these activities. Something else pop up in my mind today. What is marriage? The debatable question that holds different answers in different people. Today, somehow in a rather strange way, I suddenly able to feel how my mum have felt and understand why she do certain things she do. Suddenly I feel why married friends have to buy dinner back for hubby who is well enough to get his own dinner.

I been with bird into recent activities; house party n birthday party. There was no seat in the room. I naturally look out for seat for bird and keep asking him if he want to eat. He said no, but still I brought a chicken Wong to him on a plate, keep asking him if he want something. Someone asked to use his umbrella while they barbecue in the rain. Naturally, was err should I? Will bird be okay with lending umbrella? When bird is sitting beside me, reading book from iPhone, I'm thinking is he bored? I been thinking of him and naturally putting him first. Suddenly I see myself behaving like how my girl friend behave towards their hubby. I see a different side of me. I want to make sure my partner is okay. My mum used to tell me how people changes and tends to behave like their spouse after they married and asked why are these people so afraid of their hubby. I used to think that yea, why do people change and that women should take their stand. But somehow today I have a glimpse of a different perspective. Perhaps its not about being obedient or fearful of hubby but rather naturally putting them first and want to make sure they are fine, eat well and live well. Maybe that's why my mum keep asking us to eat even though we told her we are full. Perhaps it's something natural to her. Guess if any of my close friends and buddies were to read this post and hear my views will have such a shock and probably laughing at me in disbelief. Probably no one would think I would have such thought because I'm the free spirit in their eyes. I'm the wild child. I'm drift with the wind. Yea. I'm all that but just something to a (I would to call it); a higher level? Well:)

Someone told me that a lady should get a hubby who can take care of her. I absolutely agree. But I think we should not marry with such expectation but rather let us just be giving and asked ourselves what can we give. Put it simply; perhaps marriage begins with mutual respect, trust and caring.

Well here's bee's musing on my long ride home on this cold night.