People we met one way or another

How many people do we pass by in our life? How many faces do we recognize? How many people we missed while we hurrying through life? How many people have our eyes met but went separate ways without a word? A little girl look in my direction as I walk along a park. I caught her eyes but not knowing whether I should look back at her, I forward my steps and passes her. But the way she look at me seems to stir something deeper in me, which lead to this series of questions or rather ponders. How many would we meet again in this lifetime.. Where would we be? 

Questioning these invite my consciousness to be in present, to give attention to people around me at this moment. How do they look, what state of mind are they in? What are they doing? What conversation are they having? What's in their mind? How much assumption we made every day? What other perspective is possible?

Here's a little of what I observes in my commute to office: 

A guy in pastel green shirt holding a bottle of drink that look like lemon honey. The drink drip from the bottle which is probably not tighten enough. He did not notice. 

A lady in black to shirt, speakin over phone via a earpiece. She laugh as she talk, covering her mouth. She is wearing a pair of flats that have a what look like faux snake skin texture. Her hair nearly bun up, pull to the back. Her face is clean with touches of pink blushes. 

Two college girls look pretty alike. Maybe twins. One is tanner than the other. Both have beautiful wide smile. Both carrying same bag design. 

There is a lady breast feeding her baby beneath a aquatic blue covering cloth. 

I can go on and on. It's fun. It's insightful. It's intriguing how humankind don't seems to give much attention to its own kind in daily life. It seems we are living, thinking we are all separate entities, we are each individual. Most of the time we didn't think we have enough time to give attention to anyone else except ourselves; our job, our challenges, our life..our desires.. etc. 

We are big smart mammal with a small view. We grow bigger, having more and more but our views seems to become smaller and smaller as we grow. 

Beautiful gift

I feel so touched so touched...listening, watching, feeling how someone expresses her talent so naturally and beautifully. And this is exactly what I love to do. To live authentically and express my truth. My truth in longing wanting, to inspire people to express their gift. It's a beautiful thing.

musing

Just finished watching Suits Season 3 Episode 14. Filled with so much emotions at the moment. Love this episode because I can relate to it so much. It simply contains layers and layers of what is presented in my phrase of life right now. Between that feeling of stuck and hope. Well. I'm keeping this episode and shall watch it again some day.

Molecule of music

This got me smiling, grinning in awe of not so much of the music, but the community spirit. The surprise of bringing classical music to the street. Look at how everyone seems to be brought to their feet, how those children "join in" the conducting of the piece of music with their fingers in mid air, flowing with the rhythm, totally immersed. It's such pure joy to experience how little things like this bring so much pleasure to so many human beings that everyone seems connected at that very moment where the music is playing. It's as if each tune of the piece have permeate through the little air molecules that we breathe in and and out all together, hand in hand.

life's moments

Alright I'm still having"hangover" from the "lunar new year holidays" which seems all too rush and unrelaxed. Back in office, but my soul is apparently still gathering itself. Yesterday was the rare time where I stayed over at Bird's on a day that follows by a working weekday. Maybe it's the tension I'm giving myself about having to wake up early to settle in to a unfamiliar routine, or maybe it's the fact that I'm feeling seriously behind time for my "plan" in 2014. "I gotta hurry up" is what I have been hearing at the back of my mind these days in almost whatever I do, wherever I go. Of course there is this rare occasion of being totally in the present and doing some random hill climbing because the birds are too hard to resist. Anyway, I had headache even before I slept, took a pill but didn't solve much. My mind is just too noisy. Woke up at 0345am and couldn't get into sleep with a slight pounding in my head and lots of noise. Tossed and turned in the not too big bed, be careful not to fall, trying not to wake bird up, trying to relax my shoulders, trying to sleep. But trying is a terribly job sometimes. The more I try, the more tensed up I get. I set into a frustrated mode, sat up on bed, started coughing, looking at the closed windows and can't wait to get fresh air. Vaguely glimpse through my surrounding, be careful not to knock things down, walking in and out of the room. I heard myself screaming inside "what the hell are all these", "why and how can anyone live in such an environment", why can't Bird for his and my sake, reorganize the living space. To me, all I see is unnecessary mess. Mess that can be cleared, reorganized for a better "feng shui". I was frustrated and feel unimportant at some point. It was all spiraling down inside me. I need to cool off. My head is still pounding. Noise like "who would put a bed in a living room" (it is to me unacceptable because living space is so essential to me in how they make a person feel and grow), "why is there no mirror above the basin"(it is such a basic thing in my world view), "why is the room not prepared to welcome me as a new member"(flashes of how even though my friends dreaded to move in temporary with their new partner, they at least get proper bed and neat space prepared to welcome them). I can't see light in that darkness for those moment. How I wish Bird feel me and give me a hug. I gather myself to shower, open the front door for space to welcome me in and give me that embrace I so desperately need at that moment. Birds are chirping. I closed my eyes, listening to them, feeling the breeze, seeing the moments where we climbed the hill slope randomly, the birds chasing, the innocent moments of supporting one another during moments where we both in fear, moments I am so touched by little things Bird did, moments where Bird grin at me with an almost child like face. I replaced frustration with appreciation and gratitude. I went in back to the room and sit quietly beside and watch Bird's sleeping away, finally able to have the whole bed for himself. My heart smiled a little. The understanding that it is not that he didn't want to make me feel better but perhaps every individual of us are doing what we think is the best. It is how he live all these years. It's not wrong. Just different.

I went back out to sit in the living room with cooling breeze and birds songs. This thought came to me.. " As much as this http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-9657/10-signs-youve-found-the-one.html is so true and I'm so appreciative to have found my dear Bird, maybe this notion about the "One" should be taken in a broader view. It's not about finding the "ONE" and stops there. To be the "One" with one another involves continuous understanding, explorations, appreciation, love and give & take. Any relationship is a work in progress. Never take "having found the one" for granted. Respect and appreciate the One is essential for a relationship to grow and enjoy bliss and joy.

It's interesting that I came across this article http://www.good.is/posts/relish-in-each-other-s-joy-finding-the-give-and-take-in-relationships  just few moments ago, seems like a perfect sync to what I learnt from the self reflections moments, while I under go a change of mental state. Don't expect people to make you feel good. Know what makes you feel good and do & think more of that.

Bird is up. We headed off to work together. A smooth breezy journey with sun rising in orange gentle glow, birds singing, we even stopped by the road side to admire little weeds and flowers growing through cracks on cement walls. We shared breakfast. We held hands. In the end, these are what matters. To be together in each other's life. To learn to appreciate what we have in our hands.

Of course, I still so looking forward to our own little nest!!!

Quality of life vs Standard of life

I actually had a brilliant morning! A fulfilling one! Here's what I have done so far:
7:30  Woke up naturally. Stretching. Breathing, feeling alive watching my hands in the morning light. (No sun though. A cooling morning.)

7:45  Do my "squats" and "semi push ups" (Well I'm still working on doing a full one. One step at a time."

8:05  Sit on my rainbow "meditation cushion" and peep at the clock to see how long I could sit still. (Target 30 mins). Closed my eyes, crossed legs position, looking at the back/ inner darkness of my eye lids (well this is what is commonly told during those brief meditation workshops), "watch/ feel" my breathing through my nostrils (not quite successfully, because half the time, I'm trying to locate my breathes and in turn I get kinda out of breathe), watch the thoughts pass (well, there sure are so many thoughts (like a traffic jam during peak hour, didn't pass that smoothly. But well first timer. At least I remember that it's ok to have a little noise here and there. Good thing! I managed to stay pretty still and sit pretty straight while not intensifying my body. There are birds chirping, construction going on, buses moving, curtain flapping in the wind. Fan moving.....) Not exactly a meditation, but it's a first step and I decided to give credit for that. Oh I realise, for goodness sake, I am such a person who put in effort for almost everything I do, even breathing or relaxing. The thing is relaxing and effort doesn't seems to be that good friends of one another.

8:30  Voila! I managed to open my eyes and there it is the clock strike 8:30! 25mins of sitting on my magic rainbow cushion. Washed up and head down to park behind my house.

8:40  Slow jog in the park. Good breeze. I do love this park more because it seems less people walking around. (Remembering what I read about posture of jogging, fingers gently touches palm, breathing 4 times in n exhale 4 times out (according to AR), chin not jutting out (I realise this is a very good point, I seems to be able to breathe more while remembering to keep my vision ahead but not jutting out my chin for breathe), knees bent a little but not too much, lower legs not stretched out too much. Well I didn't manage to jog complete round the park, but for someone who a week ago was catching breathe walking that park, today's seems like an accomplishment.

9:00 Head home (which is just climbing a flight of stairs up. I feel damn good that I climbed those few steps without the usual heavy panting) Saw a resident cat sitting, snoozing on the bonnet of a car, parked beside the void deck. Didn't have any phone camera with me.

9:05  Took sips of water slowly and regulate my breathe. Sit beside my dad, have a little chat about daily affairs (news on new policies and price hike of public transport, his knees hurting), soothe his knees by touching them slowly and telling him he got smooth skin. Little touch and conversation but means a great lot to me.

9:30 Shower time!

9:45 Bring out laundry for some sunshine or breeze

10:00 Sitting at my desk (I do look forward to a new right height desk and chair when we moved into our new nest because current desk height and chair is not really conducive for working.)

10:20  Done with posting this here. Time for breakfast!

*Note: a little reminder for myself and anyone else... we all know health and our body is the most important thing, physiology is at the base of Maslow's Hierarchy of needs (one of my favourite idealogy) yet all these while, I was trying to scale that pyramid and get to the peak of it (which is self actualization) without accepting or acknowledging that I didn't get the foundation strong enough. Knowledge is one thing. Our daily action is what matters. Sometimes things happen for a reason. A week ago, I fainted in the train, yea dropped blank on the floor, perhaps without a minute of consciousness, my body went numb. Breathing hard. There is a sudden fear of what if this is it. The peak of self actualization not only seems furthest, it seems the least important at those moments. All I wanted was to feel my body again, to be able to move my every body parts at my will. (This is really such an amazing gift that most of us seems to neglect most.) Laying on the hospital bed, watching how water/ glucose was connecting to my veins and flowing into my blood. This is another "revelation"; whatever food or drink we took goes into our blood and tells a story and quality of our life. This is such a simple knowledge. I'm sure we all know. Clearly, knowing is not enough. I always believe in setting goal, grand mission of our life because it determines the standard of our living. But what is more important is not standard of living, it is the quality of living. Standard of living could mean getting certain amount of monetary values, the pride of being accomplished, the ability to give and create. Quality of living is a whole new dimension; it is how well you breathe, how we are working with our body as one literally, what we feed our body, our blood (that's our life line), how clear is our mind, how agile is our body. Our each pulse is a gift and we are given the responsibility and the chance to take good care of it. (I never feel so strongly about this or perhaps I am not even aware of these little skipping of my heartbeats till the moment I was laying on that bed, tied down with wire and drips, while all I could do is watching my heart beats on the little monitor beside the bed.) To live is not to set goal. To live is simply to breathe.

I'm thankful for life. I'm loving it. Every seconds of it.

Time for breakfast!