Roller coaster

Will I be less of a time bomb if I wear dress more often? Had a cool time taking a walk in west coast park, sorting out thoughts, writing reflections and yea kind of pulled myself from the pit bottom with recognition of love and appreciative moments. It was good.. Till bird told me something in relate to things n happening at work that sparks my fire burning sky high. Something I find it ridiculous and I can't tolerate things that seems so out of point. As much as good as my energy does in work, it can be as explosive sometimes. I just don't know mediocrity well enough I guess. From young, there is only love or hate, nothing in between. There is only yes or no, nothing maybe. But the world don't quite able to take a bee like this. So emotionally, I'm either up or down. I learn to be more moderate and practice going with the flow. But I struggle. Because I'm just not a bee to simply fly without knowing where I'm going. (read a book mention that less than 5% of the swarm of bees know exactly where they are going, they are simply following flying together with the neighbors.) sometimes I wish I can be more like this and stop holding myself responsible for everything. And most of all stop holding myself to fix anything. Bird said there are things that are within our control, but there are things that are simply without reason out of our control. I understand this theory. I agree. But understanding and agreeing doesn't help me to be more acceptance. Though in this case, there is nothing I could do but to accept this theory. I'm not asking to change why is out of our control.. But I'm seeking to understand and do our best for what we can control as much as we could.
Well well. If time is short and life is unpredictable then why not we do things to the best as much as we could. How well we do something can be controlled isn't it? What is the kind of result we want can be controlled isn't it? Agh well... I'm on that roller coaster. I'm glad I have a "shock-proof" bird that feathers didn caught in fire when the bee burst into fiery flames. Yeah it may seems silly to be on fire myself when it's someone else ignorance. Oh well.. Im silly and that's me. And to bird who may be reading this.. Pardon me for my spit fire. I'm like a can of shaken beer!