Waking up to books

It's a Saturday morning. I woke up on and off through out the night and early morning. I wanted to sleep longer but my neck and shoulders are so stiff till I could sleep properly. I tried focusin on my breath while lying down. I tried sitting up on my bed to clear my thoughts. And eventually, I open up my cabinets to look for a new note book to maybe start writing something constructive. I love note books. They are like chapters of life. I browse through my old CDs and one which an old friend gave caught my eyes. I love those handwritten titles of songs in a rough piece of paper. The handwriting is not one of the nicest but I love watching handwriting. It's an irony how with more knowledge exposed nowadays, people are writing lesser in hand. I'm guilty of it too. I love writing. Writing makes me feel calm. Just as this space allows me to express myself, reflect and calm down. I write. Maybe I should write more in hand too. CDs are the next thing expressive of each person's characters. Whenever I feel out of tune with people around me, not being able to relate and associate, I go back to my collection of CDs. I feel connected to myself and though they are not really the mainstream music where people listen in this part of the earth. I know since someone bothers to publish it, somewhere out there, there must be people just like me relating and and indulging in this music. And my heart and soul is with them. I am not alone. Yes. Music has that power beyond the words that's been sung, the melody that's been played, music connects people, music makes you feel you are not alone. Music makes me tick when all seems dull. Whenever I feel down or unmotivated, I went searching for eccentric voices and powerful quirky music that keeps my "heartbeats" ( my passion ) going. Just like yesterday, I found this French girl named Zaz. I have no idea what she is singing, but to watch her singing in the back alley of a street with friends playing cello and guitar..in a casual fun manner, it makes me feel alive! I love how she smile and sing and tap to the beats all so naturally. I long to be like her. I long to be enjoying doing something and feeling like I'm doing it great and well and spreading the fun to people around. Yes! I'm longing this. Watching her singing, it makes me question myself what is the one passion that I can't live without. That losing it will e losing a piece of my soul. Perhaps is to be able to express myself and by doing so bring a greater good to people. Maybe that is the reason why I'm working in this company for years now. Because I believe it is a platform to express myself and its giving culture of building relationships to bring greater good to people. But recently I have qualms about it. I'm not so sure if I'm still aligned or rather is the company still align with what I believe. And this is making me uncomfortable and not so happy. I felt suppressed from being expressive in some off ways. I felt suppressed from being my whole and initiating projects for a good cause. Be it initiating outings or initiating things to do to make our customers feel our giving. Something feels hollow. Something kind of stop me from doing so. Because I can't see company's passion in doing so. Well yes, people are busy. There is revenue to catch up. But still as they show people Simon Sinek's video of the golden circle; how company should start from inside out, starting from why, how, what. I felt some sense of hypocrisy in it. I doubt if the head here really understand what it takes. To start from why a company does certain thing and to live up to it, takes effort and commitments and lots of passion! I can't blame company for not being sure. But I just can't tolerate mediocrity where people only see the surface of something and jump onto it like its a bandwagon to lead to great revenue. No it shouldn't be like this. And yes perhaps I'm being very idealistic and opinionated but well this is me. So anyway perhaps that's why I'm waking up to books this morning. I'm desperately seeking for some form of motivation, some form of lights to convince myself I can make a difference..I can make the company see this. Or can I? Really? Whether I can or not, I need some self motivation, I need knowledge. I'm thirsty for knowledge that can speaks my soul. I don't mind pouring myself into reading or heavy brainstorming or mind mapping. Thats what gonna make me stay afloat. I need hope. Even if the company don't see it in the end, I need to be doing something to build a platform for myself to express myself to people, to convey the fact that story telling, brand crafting and establish core values is an important task for any brand to be successful.
That designers are not simply for aesthetic. Like someone in the company love calling it. "let's do some aesthetic" True. What we do makes it aesthetically appealing but beyond the surface, it's thoughts and hard works to illustrate a purpose, to strike a connection with people. I hate it when they simply misunderstood the point of a window display. A window is like a opening to the soul of a company. But it seems to be forgotten. Now the window is for whatever that's not selling too well. But still we did our best. Had some fun while fixing up the window with my fellow colleagues. Reminds me of the good o days where we pour our heart into crafting a story as we place each turtle at a right angle.. Haha I miss that. My heart is feeling abit of how people feel after being in a long relationship and the partner seems to forget the why we get together, the promise and pictures they painted. And here I'm still holding onto some kind of hope for "the partner" to reignite and remember "the why" and come to me and give me a hug or a cuddle and tell me "everything is gonna be okay and let's do this together."

Well well, didn't expect this to b such a long posting since I'm typing from iPhone, sitting on my bed with curtain slightly drawn to let some morning sun in...books on my bed, on the floor and I am facing a cabinet full of books open in front of me. What shall I read?

Gratitude and love

It seems like a short Sunday..but I have a long day of little moments.

1. Walked to granny's place to pass something and on my way, I found this lovely leaves laying on the ground with such beautiful clear water droplet right on it.. I just have to take a pic! 

2. Found those lovely pink flower blooming from pots of plants my granny and aunt keep. Looking fresh and beautifully green:)

3. I wandered alittle along a little jungle, snapping pictures of those big leaves with water droplets on it..they are beautiful:) (*I didn't realise my aunt was behind me...she probably wondering what am I doing and walked away, because I only saw her back as I turned around hehe)

4. While waiting for the bus, I saw this white clouds moving real fast above and across swisshotel@cityhall. Lovely. I wonder how many people notice that. 

5. Met up with Bird and someone who is feeling a little blue. I kept quiet all the time, just listening. 

and here's something inspired from it somehow; 

"Everyone have different perspective n opinions but everyone want one thing similar.. Everyone want to be happy. How hard n how easy to be happy don't depend on cert.. It's all within us to be. Success is not about having qualification or high paid job or rank.. It's the ability to identify that we hold the power to be happy. N this don't depend on anyone, anything. If we want to fight n prove ourselves, all we need to do is to be happy. Because how many people will be jealous of our happiness that we can give ourselves when most people are waiting for others to give them happiness."

**

 Be appreciative for at least one thing a day and each day will get rosier and prettier:) Today I'm thankful for little moments that show me journey of life, compassion and gratitude.

** 

Spend each day as if it's your last, you will find that there is no time for fear, anger and hatred for others and for ourselves. (aww now i feel like watching tuesday w morrie again in this cold windy weather:)

6. On my way back, Saw this couple in the train look china maybe Tibet or somewhere far.. They r sitting down with two trolley wheel tied to those plastic basket we seen in market. They dressed in somewhat not so tidy clothes. The woman is kind of bald n hair messy.. But somehow I feel they r beautiful in some strange way I didn know how to describe maybe because they seems contented n comfortable with how they dress n what they bring even tho it may not be the norm. The woman has her eyes closed look tired the guy tried to pinch her nose n ears. I can't hear what they say but he look like he is playing with her. Somehow I thought the scene is beautiful, little moment of life eh. 

**

Being contented opens the door of our heart to happiness

7. Saw a young couple feeding a kitten with kitty food in this windy cold night. Seeing such scene makes me feel touched and thankful that whether people are conscious about it or not, compassion is something in all of us in some point of our life. I hope the kitty had a full meal and a good sleep with warmth :)

8. Wind gets stronger and as I look up, I saw the rain drizzling down so quietly with the wind, looking like snow:)

9. I'm glad my mum is fine:) 

Thank you.

last day of 2011

Love the glow on the green grass:) Godly

 It's almost 2 weeks into the new year..but I just had to share these moments of my new year eve. 

Little moments of the last day of the year.. a moment to reflect and reborn. 

Cat taken by Bee, Sun Bird taken by Bird hehe Cat is hungry for the Bird!!

Love these wavy reflections taken by Bird:P

Rainbow is anywhere if we observe closer.. hehe

I hold the sun in me:)

Beautiful glow, rising to the sun

Found a secret stream leading into the jungle hehe ^_^

Love this composition Bird captured. Full of energy, life force and action:)

Bird!!!

Good mood with beautiful moon

Mood is an passing emotion consists of thoughts, experiences and perceptions...Of which, we can choose what we think, how we feel about our experiences and what we perceive. So a good mood will mean think of good things, live our experiences as a process of life that make us stronger and to take a positive perception on things:) Grant yourself a GOOD MOOD in this good morning with a beautiful MOON:)

Well just back from work at this wee hour.. get to ride with a nice chatty and cheerful cab driver. He was talking about its going to be 15th of the lunar month and that the moon is getting round. I looked out of the window as he pass by a flyover and I was exhilarated, the moon looks right back at me from the middle of the clear night blue sky with little stars sparkling around it. Perfect! I was literally woow with my mouth open, looking at the moon probably like as if I m a kid with the first encounter with the moon. hehe.. The uncle smile and said :" nice right?!" 

"Yes!!! it's totally!" Bee replied.

My beloved Tweety

 Some close friends may know this VERY SPECIAL TWEETY..yeah! it's been trying to make that call since day one when my mum gave this to me as a souvenir when she came back from a short trip. Well at least this is how I remember..and that was 16 good years ago:)

Probably the one thing which follows me the longest of time!!! Yea!! it has been through thick and thin with me all these years.. which you can easily tell from its bruises and colour:p

It has been misplaced several times during its course of journey with me..and I even cried once thinking I lost it forever..only to find it somewhere in the office.. And another time found it just at the edge of the lift door after a night of losing it.. It is like we share this infinity together:) 16 years is through rebellious teenage years, adventurous or reckless 20s' till now the beginning of my thirties. There are times when I felt so down and having things that can't share with parents yet yearning for warmth from them..I will hold it in my palm so tight and silently telling it my longings and desire for warmth and comfort. And it does makes me feel better. Such is the love for it and my mum:)

Bird has been asking me to grant Tweety its retirement so it can have its well deserved rest after all these years. I can't bear to.. even right now I still look at it and cant bear to not bring it with me:) 

It's irreplaceable. And for a long time I havent find anything that can take up its task till just now when we saw this bee bearbrick. The size looks alright, weight is fine. It's a bee so that's kind of me..Bird got it for me .. I successfully turn it into a keychain instead of a hp strap. It doesn't feel anything like Tweety.. It's new. It's lovely..but yet it will never be the same. It takes some courage to make the change; slotting key by key in as I already missing Tweety. 

I realise they have something in common; they are both pretty yellow:) Maybe that's why I feel alright to make the change. The energy is the same..perhaps. I left a tiny key with Tweety in case it is not used to being retired..So I think it will be aright:)

Time with Bird has taught a few lessons and one of which is learning to let go. Learning to love and loving..So here I practice.. Love...Breathe

New year eve

without realising...it's actully officially the last day of 2011 now!!! 

what are you doing on new year eve!? 

well...well.. I think count down party is kind of over rated. 

Nevertheless, new year eve and day is a special moment for me. Well I feel it with utmost respect and view it as a transition..from the old to the new. It's a great opportunity for us to reflect, forgive, love and give... Most of all, to be thankful for everything we have.

New year day can be just another day or it could be a day of greatness empowering us 

if we hold it as a day of great transition from old to the new.. a great moment to take whatever first step we have been holding back..a great moment to give a pat on our shoulder and a wide smile, affirming a great year ahead:)

Happy New Year Eve!!

Reflection

Bee was somehow tossing around in a emotion roller coaster yesterday and kind of getting myself drained up with headache. I slept through the morning. Was told to help out at a store when I finally woke up. But I decided I have to be in peace with myself before proceeding with today. I kind of look into space in my room, looking at a stack of books Bird gave me and saw this title "Everything is going to be ok" Such a simple statement but yet it is such a important few words to remember. 

I flipped through the books as I reflect on my emotions and feelings and thoughts. Just like what I read before; Thoughts are what we choose to think and feel.

Here's a text message I sent to Bird. I want myself to remember and so here it is:

"Was flipping through this book u gave me.. Reflecting on my emotions. It's the critical part of me that makes myself tense up. As I flip through the pages, this statement come to my mind " all I need is confidence" in everything n thankful for having you. Sometimes it feels like u r in my life so that I could remember to take things lighter n less critical about myself. N the next thought, I wonder why do people tends to believe in sadness rather than happiness. I'm happy to have u n all the moments that we have but yet I'm at times so no confidence that everything is good. It is just me n my self sabotage at work. Just yesterday.. When brother bear told me he is impressed by how I can get unfamiliar work done within such Short time.. I can choose To be happy But somehow i feel Stress up about future.. About what he may expect of me. But in actual fact thinking of it now, its prob my expectation for myself that is driving myself crazy. This may not b the best time to text u this cos u may b busy.. But I was just trying to gather thoughts so I can let them go n breathe in new life. Thank you for being supportive n loving in my life. Your love show me light to a deeper sense of myself where all the answers lies. I love you."

And here it is what soulbirds is about..a journey of us in love and light:) and a journey of reflections and lessons learn we would love to share. 

The topic on Togetherness

Had an unintended chat with Bird.

Something just linked up and leads me to speak my mind, heart and soul 

about some stuffs that I have been trying so hard to cover up and brush it aside. 

Won't touch on what exactly the content of the chat is about. 

But just thought it's a good thing to note down that 

I finally speak up and out. And I feel good about it. 

My gist of the content is probably about togetherness.

Bee value togetherness a great lot because I believe togetherness with love is a powerful thing. 

Law of attraction? Universe's answering to us? 

Well I do not want to lock my mindset on any specific thing, but rather I would say I believe in belief and the power of love which is where the universe arises isn't it..or so I choose to believe.

With power combine, we can do great things!

Everything is a choice. Listen to a short portion of Steve Job's biography. And I really like the topic about abandoned and chosen. It illustrate perfectly well how unique we human are. We are given the gift to make a choice. We can change how we live and think our life. 

Bee has always be like a real bee, busy making things work, at work, at home and or trying to help people to make things work. Some say I do too much. Some question why I do what I do. 

I don't really have an answer for it. 

I just do. Because I believe we have a choice. If there is something that is not done when is needed to be done, I go ahead and do it. Most people misunderstand this trait of mine as being perfectionist. But I disagree. 

I'm just doing my all. I didn't expect the result to be perfect.

But at least I try. At least I do. 

I make a choice.

Most of us fall in and out of love. When things don't turn out fine, most people just dismissed as lack of love. But is that really so? Or is it lack of togetherness? How many parents, couples you have met still do things together? Things as simple as taking a walk in the park? Having a cup of tea? Reading a book together? Can we make a choice to ask our loved ones out for walk or tea? And can we make a choice to go for walk or tea when our loved ones asked us? 

It takes two to clap. And I think this applies to all relationship. Parents and children. Husband and wife. Brother and sister. Friend to friend. 

I always remind myself to do so. 

To live togetherness. 

I'm glad that I met Bird whom I can take a walk with, have tea with, watch the birds...that's so much we can do. Love and togetherness. Togetherness and love. As friends, we used to have dinners together, chat, have tea..and we begin to love each other's accompany more and more. We saw birds in pairs fly past together. And we find ourselves long to be the birds together. Hence, we find ourselves the soulbirds in us. 

Wish all who chanced upon this note, to love and be embraced in the togetherness:)

Life is short. Do not wait too long to make that choice.

Reflection

My heart goes to people out there

Reading the news on storm approaching the big apple and felt so glad that we are here safe from the storm, but my heart goes out to those people out there. It must be terrifying to be told a life threatening storm approaching their homes and that they have to evacuate, leaving all their belongings. "Nature is much more powerful than us" as quoted in the news..knowing this how would you feel? what would you do? There is nothing one could do but to stay together for as long as possible and brace themselves through it. There is nothing one could really bring except themselves. Looking within and beyond, we could spend years accumulating our assets, the so call belongings, but eventually do they really belong to us? Probably not. Nothing can really belong to us except ourselves. If everyone were to have these in mind before nature throw us in a dire situation, will we be happier? Will we then be more comfortable with ourselves and be contented? 

Humans perhaps are not as weak as nature can deem us to be. We just have to learn to go with the flow so we can ride through such adversity..like how many small little creatures, living being have survived through centuries. Perhaps it's a reminder for us to be in tune of what we are made of and our purpose on earth and the strength that made us uniquely human. For us who are watching these news, let us pray for them and garner the strength for people out there.

We just have to believe that everything will be fine eventually. 

And guess this is faith.

Wonderful world

Watched a show "Wonderful World".. I didn't know what it's about nor where did that show come from..it seems like the one show that's speaking to me.. Oh and this is the second time I played it. I probably only catch 5 mins of it when I watched it first. 

I love the show! Love the title "Wonderful world" I have always be in love with the word "wonderful"; it's such simple childlike word that resonates..

Fishes raining from the sky..Magic..love..appreciation and being in the moment..

"Magic is everywhere..Feelings are magic..What feelings can do to alot of person..it's like chemical reaction..we both love him...let the feelings talk" - a part from the show that makes me feel warm...and reflect on my beliefs and values..

Do I believe in magic..not really..Since a kid, I'm always skeptical about magic..instead of indulging in the world of magic..I plunge into a world of finding out what's the trick behind the magic. Sometimes I wonder how can a kid be so critical about the world and myself. 

From the day I was in school, I'm critical about how I perform academically.

Strangely, I didn't remember much from when I was 5 years old, but I remember how that feels to be jealous about not being the top of the class..and upset as being just forth.

I still remember how I hated dancing class because I just can't bent my leg high up enough like others did. I can't do somersault and I was ashamed of it. And I quit. Well..not exactly quit but my parents decide that my passion isn't really there and it's time to move on to start a "proper" studying life. 

Thinking forward now..I always feel this connection to dance. It's like maybe there is just this soul deep in me that can only be expressed through dance. Watching people dance touches me. I tried a few times to dance..in my room with curtains all drawn, door locked. It felt like I'm almost free, but I withdrew..because of the mind. "I didn't know how"....but nevertheless..I indulge myself in visualizing these whole steps and movements listening to rhythm in the music..each beat synchronizes each touch of the toes on the ground...or each rise of the hands in the air..with fingers caressing the air breathing through each molecules that embrace you. And it makes me feel so good and liberated. 

So do I believe in magic?

I guess as much as I would say no with my "logical" mind.. I can't deny that these feelings of molecules and amazing synchronization of rhythm and movements is magical.

Oh and I'm thankful that Bird found this show somehow or another. 

Loves

Live like a bubble

http://www.flickr.com/photos/11164709@N06/sets/72157607182199900/

I love BUBBLES!!!! It brings a different perspective and show you what you may be missing out all in its transparent globe. It absorbs your surrounding and reflects right under the lights..The moment it leaves to drift in the air is the moment it finally lives and dance with grace. It drifts in the air, boundlessly as the wind blows..it has no worries of dying. it has no yearning to touch the ground or be anywhere. It just lives its moment with all its beauty. No matter how short it is, it lives with grace and burst in a sparkle like it never exists, returning to join the wind, the air we breathe. 

As human, we tends to worry too much, think too far ahead. Inspire by this little observation and coincide with the little bubble, I'm learning to live each and every moment with grace and to take each moment as it is. 

Here, I'm thankful to Bird for always being so understanding and thoughtful to be around me, to remind me to live each and every moment like each and every breathe I take:)

To be free is to be true

"To be truly free is to be genuinely true to yourself from within"

Love this pictures took by Bird. 

I didn't know how, but I must say he really capture the essence of my soul that even I didn't know how it looks like till now. Thank you:)

Like a Papillon

Photo taken lovingly by Lovely Bird:)

Le Papillon is one of my favorite movie. I watched it years ago and am in love with the soundtracks. Have not listen to it for a long time. I didn't know why I'm suddenly drawn to it. It's beautiful. Reminds me of some memories in an episode of my life. An episode of life that I mark a closure and let go. It is really amazing how people's path crossed. No matter how long it lasts or what's the story, we're made to meet each other, shared moments and love. And yet sometimes, as if destiny being drawn, it could be just a thin line that decides your path together. Maybe life is like a fleeting butterfly, it's about living the moments. 

And to all lovely people whom I have met and been with, I love you all. And perhaps like a papillon, I raise my wings and fly..but no matter where I'm, there will always be a part of my soul dancing, loving fellow all in my life.

Love in Black and white.

 

It's been an eventful few days of vacation with Bird of emotions roller coaster, exploration, communication, exchanges of differences, understanding, relating, loving, wandering into concrete jungle and fairyland. Finally now settling down reading some favorite blogs, filling up blogs, reading past entries here, doing reflections before rounding the day up. And I came across this beautiful images from Simple Lovely. This image from Vivian Maier is totally adoring. So simple and loving of a moment. 

So here's the statement for tonight:

" Remember love and everything will be alright."

Reflections: Have faith

A few words came to my mind at the moment:

1. Have faith.

2. It's easy to name flaws of others and myself because it's something
that against our tolerance or liking, it breaks a pattern, recognize 
our feelings and thoughts behind this emotion, seeing beyond the action of 
a person, sink deep beneath..to feel the core of the person, 
love the person, let them know you love them.

3. We can be kinder to others and ourselves when 
we witness the beauty in each and everyone.

4. Everyone has our habitual living, thinking pattern, 
likes and dislikes. Do not fear. Embrace all. 
Understand. Feel. There is similarity in all.

5. Do not expect people to understand your 
expectations because everyone is at 
different state of mind or spirit every moment.

Learning compassion for ourselves

"When you have learned compassion for yourself, compassion for others is automatic." ---Bhante Gunaratana

 Have I learned compassion for myself? I asked myself today. In the midst of unsettled works, I lost a sense of myself today. Supposed to be enjoying our little getaway from work with Bird. But it seems I'm still tied up with random incoming changes of work and still find myself working out of office, answering calls from boss, amending works and sending emails. It seems I have a hard time to call work off or to allow myself a "Me" time. Unfortunately, I turned a little edgy on Bird and felt really bad to in some ways jeopardize what could have been a great mood of Bird. I know Bird would understand. But I just felt some reflections gotta be done here. 

Guess like what Bird says if every not-so-good occurrence could be seen as a comedy, we would feel better and able to calm ourselves down better. I think for every occurrence, maybe there is no bad or good in it, it's all perspectives again and if we could see it as lessons learn, then perhaps we can transform that negative energy to a positive one. We all have flaws in our perfection and that make us unique. Life is a constant exploration and learning. So here's something I guess we gotta learn:

1. To be kinder to ourselves

2. To let be. Take things with a lighter heart.

3. We can't satisfy everyone, so knowing when to say "no" is sometimes important.

"Being responsible is good. Being compassion to ourselves is the first step to bring more good to everything we do, everyone we meet." - bee

 Since young, I been "trained" to be responsible. Being responsible is good. But guess I have to learn how to take "being responsible" lightly and not being over critical with myself and others. 

And to Bird..thank you for bearing with me at times like this.