Quality of life vs Standard of life

I actually had a brilliant morning! A fulfilling one! Here's what I have done so far:
7:30  Woke up naturally. Stretching. Breathing, feeling alive watching my hands in the morning light. (No sun though. A cooling morning.)

7:45  Do my "squats" and "semi push ups" (Well I'm still working on doing a full one. One step at a time."

8:05  Sit on my rainbow "meditation cushion" and peep at the clock to see how long I could sit still. (Target 30 mins). Closed my eyes, crossed legs position, looking at the back/ inner darkness of my eye lids (well this is what is commonly told during those brief meditation workshops), "watch/ feel" my breathing through my nostrils (not quite successfully, because half the time, I'm trying to locate my breathes and in turn I get kinda out of breathe), watch the thoughts pass (well, there sure are so many thoughts (like a traffic jam during peak hour, didn't pass that smoothly. But well first timer. At least I remember that it's ok to have a little noise here and there. Good thing! I managed to stay pretty still and sit pretty straight while not intensifying my body. There are birds chirping, construction going on, buses moving, curtain flapping in the wind. Fan moving.....) Not exactly a meditation, but it's a first step and I decided to give credit for that. Oh I realise, for goodness sake, I am such a person who put in effort for almost everything I do, even breathing or relaxing. The thing is relaxing and effort doesn't seems to be that good friends of one another.

8:30  Voila! I managed to open my eyes and there it is the clock strike 8:30! 25mins of sitting on my magic rainbow cushion. Washed up and head down to park behind my house.

8:40  Slow jog in the park. Good breeze. I do love this park more because it seems less people walking around. (Remembering what I read about posture of jogging, fingers gently touches palm, breathing 4 times in n exhale 4 times out (according to AR), chin not jutting out (I realise this is a very good point, I seems to be able to breathe more while remembering to keep my vision ahead but not jutting out my chin for breathe), knees bent a little but not too much, lower legs not stretched out too much. Well I didn't manage to jog complete round the park, but for someone who a week ago was catching breathe walking that park, today's seems like an accomplishment.

9:00 Head home (which is just climbing a flight of stairs up. I feel damn good that I climbed those few steps without the usual heavy panting) Saw a resident cat sitting, snoozing on the bonnet of a car, parked beside the void deck. Didn't have any phone camera with me.

9:05  Took sips of water slowly and regulate my breathe. Sit beside my dad, have a little chat about daily affairs (news on new policies and price hike of public transport, his knees hurting), soothe his knees by touching them slowly and telling him he got smooth skin. Little touch and conversation but means a great lot to me.

9:30 Shower time!

9:45 Bring out laundry for some sunshine or breeze

10:00 Sitting at my desk (I do look forward to a new right height desk and chair when we moved into our new nest because current desk height and chair is not really conducive for working.)

10:20  Done with posting this here. Time for breakfast!

*Note: a little reminder for myself and anyone else... we all know health and our body is the most important thing, physiology is at the base of Maslow's Hierarchy of needs (one of my favourite idealogy) yet all these while, I was trying to scale that pyramid and get to the peak of it (which is self actualization) without accepting or acknowledging that I didn't get the foundation strong enough. Knowledge is one thing. Our daily action is what matters. Sometimes things happen for a reason. A week ago, I fainted in the train, yea dropped blank on the floor, perhaps without a minute of consciousness, my body went numb. Breathing hard. There is a sudden fear of what if this is it. The peak of self actualization not only seems furthest, it seems the least important at those moments. All I wanted was to feel my body again, to be able to move my every body parts at my will. (This is really such an amazing gift that most of us seems to neglect most.) Laying on the hospital bed, watching how water/ glucose was connecting to my veins and flowing into my blood. This is another "revelation"; whatever food or drink we took goes into our blood and tells a story and quality of our life. This is such a simple knowledge. I'm sure we all know. Clearly, knowing is not enough. I always believe in setting goal, grand mission of our life because it determines the standard of our living. But what is more important is not standard of living, it is the quality of living. Standard of living could mean getting certain amount of monetary values, the pride of being accomplished, the ability to give and create. Quality of living is a whole new dimension; it is how well you breathe, how we are working with our body as one literally, what we feed our body, our blood (that's our life line), how clear is our mind, how agile is our body. Our each pulse is a gift and we are given the responsibility and the chance to take good care of it. (I never feel so strongly about this or perhaps I am not even aware of these little skipping of my heartbeats till the moment I was laying on that bed, tied down with wire and drips, while all I could do is watching my heart beats on the little monitor beside the bed.) To live is not to set goal. To live is simply to breathe.

I'm thankful for life. I'm loving it. Every seconds of it.

Time for breakfast!

Asking good question

"These days when young people tell me they want to be lawyers, I tell them to go for it, but be aware that the real thing is nothing quite like the movies." -quoted from an article written by an IT journalist in the paper, speaking of his experience of discovering how being a lawyer is not meant for him after working in the law industry for 4 years. The article is beautifully written and most of all, it strike a chord. Well I'm no lawyer. Toy around with that idea long way back when I was still in elementary school. But decided designing is more exciting. Yeah! I get to create and have a chance to make a difference or so I thought. It sounds awesomely cool to be called a designer isn't it.

2 years in design agency proves to be more depressing than exciting. Late night works, last minute changes to make logo bigger and fill in catalog with as much products as possible as requested by the client. We don't get to deal with clients directly because there is a role called account exec. That means we have no voice to speak and sell our ideas at all. I got out of agency, grasping for life, doing occasional freelance works and it's just so common to meet clients who take freelancers as "free lunch" literally, not paying or late payment for works that consist of endless amendments. Went on with a few other stints as insurance advisor, computer art teacher for the kids and etc. I never really lose my roots in design.

I'm lucky to meet a toy company and got in as a designer who does almost everything under the sun. Of all things I learnt over the course of my years being a designer, something I'm glad I didn't missed out is that no matter what you do, what you work, eventually it all comes full circle to a lesson of life. I learn about love, giving, truthfulness, big hearts, managing expectation, making the best out of emotion. What I remember most of my days as a designer are the zest in the discussion of a "big idea" with colleagues, friends. The little sweet and sometimes silly things people do.

I have seen friends parting the glamourous ad agency and doing completely different things but with so much more fulfillment.

Time will change, glamour will fade, dream will change as we grow. Movies are fictional. The fact is there is a long story, hard work behind every job, every role. It is up to us to make it a love story.

Work is love made visible. "- Kahlil Gibran

I'm thankful of all lessons I get being a designer. It gives me the space to reconnect with myself and constantly challenging myself by asking question out of the box. In life as much as design, asking good question proves pivotal to a breakthrough.

Grateful for these questions by Anthony Robbins

Questions by Anthony Robbins tip of the day came in just in time this morning, this moment.

1. What is great about this problem? 
It let me gain the clarity I need, like what Dr. Seuss said sometime the questions are complicated, the answer is simple. 

2. What is not perfect yet? 
My dream of being someone who do meaningful work that contribute to life in this universe. 

3. What am I willing to do to make it the way I want it? 
Comfort/ Stability Sacrifies. Hard work. Have faith. Disregard anyone who tell me I shouldn't do this.

4. What am I willing to no longer do in order to make it the way I want it? 
Meaningless work, waiting endlessly

5. How can I enjoy the process while I do what is necessary to make it the way I want it?
Love wildly. Appreciate the simple things in life. Do good. Give more than I take. 

A NEW LIFE

"You see, ten years from now, you will surely arrive. The question is: Where? Who will you have become? How will you live? What will you contribute? Now is the time to design the next ten years of your life—not once they’re over."

— Anthony Robbins, Awaken the Giant Within p. 31-32

Once upon a time, I poured my heart into you. I gifted you my heart, soul and being. I envisioned a long future with you, fighting alongside any battle come along. But it seems just like money depreciates, my heart, soul and being depreciates in your world. It's time to redeem my heart & give it the voice it deserves, design my life to contribute meaningfully, live courageously and love what I do passionately. 

This is me

Love this photo of myself. An eclectic woman. Dreamy and practical. Imaginative and logical. Strength and softness. I'm here. I'm this.

Let the big one do the work

"Everything is going to be alright. Everything is taken care of.
Each has its ways.
Everything will be just fine."
- some simple words that helps me to relax.. And it works. Once in a while, its good to let the bigger energy do the work.

One thing at a time

"One thing at a time" - is the mantra that slips quietly to me today as I get caught in wanting to do several things at a time. So one thing at a time it is...

Into the Wild

Good wild morning! Well many thoughts have come and pass, sometimes in between reading a good book, sometimes in between my "ecstasy" over a cup of caffeine and of course, there are other times when I simply just prefer to feel the moment then to focus my head down on my device typing away. I have been having this "wild" word hovering above within me lately. I listen to Wild horses by Natasha Bedingfield yesterday and today somehow I get hook on Soundtracks of the movie "Into the Wild", a movie which I watched from rented DVD years ago. A movie that evoke questions in me and set some part of me longing to be with the wilderness. I don't call myself exactly adventurous person, but I love to be in awe of so much wonders in the wild. CURIOUS is perhaps a better word to describe me.

For those who haven't watch this movie, it's worth watching. Listening to the soundtrack now makes me want to watch the movie again over a cup of hot coffee. What is one thing you long to do but haven't get to it?

There are many on my list and the list seems constantly growing itself. But guess I shall keep it simple.

Here's a two:
1. Find my mission and do something that I could look forward waking up to and with a smile or even laughters on my face every moment, feeling my heart in tune to my body and soul.
2. Travelling to Finland.

Of course there are two things which I'm happy I'm finally getting to it:
1. Bring my parents for a holiday. Looking forward.
2. Getting next stage of life with Mr Owl:)

Rhythm of the rain

It's a rainy night.. Laying in bed cuddle under my blanket but somehow the weather is too beautiful to sleep in. Listening to the droplets of rain touching earth. Looking at little sparkling droplets hanging on the wall outside my window. This scene reminds me of Christmas eve with bird at Vivo a year plus ago:) lovely

Ready is a state of mind

Yes it's time. No, I'm not going allow anyone to judge whether I'm ready for something or not. No one is not ready for things. Because there is nothing you can be hundred and one percent ready to do. Anything can happen. Readiness is a state of mind. Readiness is a how deep a breathe you take. Readiness is an illusion. Readiness limits your vision and potential. Since we were kids, we were taught to be ready. Get ready for school. Get ready for exam. Get ready for dinner. When we grew older, we get ready to work. Get ready to be with someone. Get ready to marry. Get ready to have kids. Get ready for everything. Yes, getting ready and be prepared for things is definitely important and I am not doubting that. But the key word here is "Ready" and not getting ready. Getting ready will never prepare you enough to be ready. Gaining momentum is the key to begin. Being ready is the fuel. It's not about getting ready, it's about being committed. Once you are committed to something, your state of mind has everything to tell you how ready you are. I may not be as strong as a bull, but I'm a warrior, I'm a dancer. I'm a warrior who dance with my sword and I love how I am. Yes inspired by Tony Robbins's audio this morning. He mentions everyone has a blue print for life. A blue print we imprinted into our mind based on our perceptions. A blue print is like a metaphor we take on for life. He mentioned these words "Life is a __________" Life is a dance to me. The jazz, the hip hop, the ballet, latin, waltz.. Life is a dance. There are times that require the swiftness and toughness, there are times that require the tenderness and elegance. There are times when you dance free alone, there are times you dance in sync with a partner. Dance follows beats, like how life follows your heart beats. There will be people who would tell you that you are not ready for something. There will be people who would give you a list of things to prepare for readiness.

Next time if any one were to tell you these again. Tell the person "No one is born ready for life. No one is born ready to walk. It's not about being ready. It's about being committed. Ready is a state of mind."

I'm thankful to the person who told me I'm not ready. Because it only leads me to see how ready and committed I'm.

Do we really know ourselves best

Brush my teeth, wash up, make up. All in front of a mirror. For years, this is the routine. I look into the mirror every morning, looking at my hair, brush strokes of blusher, but yet I didn't see myself. I was too absorbed by the routine that it becomes something I do ritually every morning.

This morning as I was falling into a daze in the train, suddenly I saw a woman in the reflection on the glass window opposite me. A woman with long hair, sharp jaw line, full lips, sit with straightened shoulders. There is something edgy about her. She look confident, stoic, calm. For a moment, I feel almost intimidated by her presence. Yet I can't help to notice this soft lovingness beneath her face and body. The kind of bliss you see in a child. It took me a while to realise the reflection is mine. I'm the woman I saw. We always remember faces of people around us; friends, loved ones. Do we remember ourselves? How we look in the mirror, how our features all sum up together to make this being we are. If you were to ask me to paint of portrait of my friends and loved ones, I would probably able to do so with some reminiscing of moments. However, if you were to ask me to paint a portrait of myself, I'm not so sure if I could do it. This is a valuable insight for me. How do I love myself if I can't even recognize myself in my reflection.

We recognize ourselves when we look back at photos taken. But is it really seeing and recognizing ourselves or it is simply a knowing that we are in the picture. Or is it the moment we remember? All these got me really intrigued.

Just because we are in this body we see in the mirror, does that mean we know ourselves most?

Perhaps next time when someone tell you they know themselves best, ask them to sketch a self portrait.

Here's a mirror reflection of me taken by my friend. First look at the photo, I didn't really recognize myself. I just know its me.

Discovery vs Recovery

Bird surprised me with a show today; Cirque Du Soleil! Perfect timing to watch the show today for many reasons! I have always wanted to watch, but just didn't get to do it. Oh and how it makes me want to watch them live! A lyrics in it triggers a thought, an insight. "Return to where you belong"

Here's my insight:
There is an invisible line between innovative thinking and imaginative exploration. Like the statement, I feel like I have traveled quite a journey so far and its time to reunite with my core where I belong. The diversity in the show has revealed a side of me that I have almost forgotten. Me who is imaginative and ever changing.

I who is an ever shifting kaleidoscope. The angel, the devil. The existence, the non existence. The dream, the truth. The lightness, the boldness. The colors, the dark. The surface, the depth. The reflections, the perceptions.I encompasses so much more than what I have known for the past years.

So you may ask what's the difference between innovative thinking and imaginative exploration. Here's my interpretation: I have always think, brainstorm for ideas to meet an objective that serves certain function. It's more like a solution to problem approach of thinking. It's a great sense of satisfaction! So what's imaginative exploration? It's about opening ourselves to the intuitive flow, letting imagery fill our minds without a specific objective to solve any challenge. It's more of a journey of discovery instead of recovery. This journey of discovery of letting our imagination grows will add more dimension to an innovative mind and freeing it to new possibilities that we may have missed out when we are all focusing on innovative thinking.

You are as ready as you are required to be

It's important to get things (dreams, bucket list, ambitions, career switch etc) started. It is more so to believe that you have already started it. 

There is a difference between getting started and already started. 

Getting started = Searching, finding, getting ready 

Already started = Done, you are in it, you are as ready as it requires you to be (This doesn't necessary mean you are all equipped, it just means you will definitely have a way to getting things done and this is important.

Faith if you call it (in spirituality), Confidence if you call it (in modernity), Being Gutsy (in my terms)

*Disclaimer: I'm not saying preparation is unimportant. I'm just saying just do it (whatever you have to)

Something about books

Just sat among heaps of books, taking a glimpse of each book. Big and small. Business books, spiritual well beings books, Creative books and not forgetting Winnie the pooh. I am not as book fan as Bird, but I love books, words, language of expressions and the smell of books, oh and I love papers! The yellowish brown pages where words are inked, the "freckles" on old books, the accidental dog eared pages, the hard cover, the soft cover, the attractive covers that speaks to you like love at first sight, the magic of fonts on the cover that seems to whisper so quietly the story beneath. E copies of books are readily available, but there is something simply incomparable to hard copies of books with ink and paper. Each book has a character of its own, waiting to be explored, discovered and fall in love. If dog is man's best friend, book is man's soul mate. 

As I'm writing this post, I'm looking at my surrounding of books;
1. Damn good advice (for people with talent) by Adman, George Lois
2. What's your life's work? by Bill Jenson
3. Be tha mircale by Regina Brett
4. Self healing with Reiki by Penelope Quest
5. 100 dollar startup by Chris Guillebeau
6. Cash in a flash by Mark Victor Hansen & Robert G. Allen
7. The many adventures of Winnie the Pooh
8. The Tao of Warren Buffett by Mary Buffett & David Clark
9. Heart, Smarts, Guts and Luck
10. Life's little Detour by Regina Brett

It's good to have a balanced diet of books, meaning a mix of different genre of books will be good for over all well being of us. Just like a balanced diet :)

Books have been a life saver in various aspect of my life and I can say that it marks a pivotal moment in my life journey at different stages. Osho is a turning point, Alchemist resonates with the explorer in me, Little Prince is a reminder of little things in life, Anna and mister god is the child in me, Starbucks pour your heart into it fuels my love of business and passion in doing good, 100 dollar startup is insights and energy booster of possibilities, oh and not forgetting Tuesday with Morrie, a guidance to life and love. What books have accompany you and being an angel all these while?

When the best optimum performance is not result based

I have been trying to wake up early and leave home for work earlier so I could possibly be early. The key is I was trying to break any habit that may be bad. Not for company but for myself. But today leaving at around the same time I arrived at the usual place I change a bus later than the timing u aimed for to catch a bus so I could be early. I got almost frustrated an disappointed with myself just because I couldn't catch the bus which I intended to. I rushed on without getting breakfast. I knocked onto some people who I still think could practice a little consideration for peak hour rush by keeping to one side of the escalator. And as I reached the bus stop with no bus in sight, I started to hear the voice of resentments for myself on a simple thing "what's difference between today's walking speed and previously. Did I walk slower? I should have be more of my timing when I walk" On and on, I hear theses voices till I suddenly realise jeez why am I beating myself up over not able to catch the bus when I have been late for almost the longest time. So I let myself take a back step an instead of focusing when is the next bus coming, I look at the person inside me and here're some lessons I learnt:

1. Whatever that has been causing me distress comes from within, the standards and rules I set for myself. Because I don't care if I'm late since I stayed later during knock off hours. I don't care about whether my boss is happy about it. So why I care this time round, because perhaps out of some habits, I quickly set standards subconsciously when I made my mind to break the habit of being late. While it is good to be aware of habits and make changes, one even more important thing that I have to know is I need to be kinder to myself even though there is a standard to meet. My belief that standards r here to meet if not it loses its purpose is probably not frame in the best perspective. Standards are here to be met but the purpose is whatever objective, vision that benefits. It's not about meeting that standards. It's not about the numbers, in this case, it's not about catching the 8.25am bus. It's about making changes and breaking habits.

2. Appreciate and congrats ourselves for making any baby steps progress will bring us much closer to the intended objective instead of questioning myself for not having optimum performance.

3. The best performance is not results based but how well we could dance through any situation with agility physically, emotionally, spiritually. The best performance leaves room for audience to not just applaud but also learn something or reflect on their own stories and gain insights through the dance.

Familiarity doesn't equate to most effective, or guaranteed results.

Learn a lesson today while trying to find a way to get to lunch with Bird's family. After Chiro at a mall, I got out of the mall with two choices; a. to walk a pretty good long way (probably 15mins walk thanks to all the rerouting due to the constructions) to the train station. or b. walk towards left to bus stop, hop on a bus, get to a next train station, or change a different bus to town area. Looking at both ways, I couldnt see train station nor bus stop. I decided to take option b, head towards nearest bus stop. Reason? Simple! Because I don't like to take u turn, and I prefer forward moving, then going back wards. So I rather be a station nearer to why I intend to go, than to be one station further. Anyway, as I arrived at the bus stop, I realise the bus I had in mind doesnt stop at next train station. Ooops! Immediately, I found next bus on the list (Bus 105) which I'm familiar with the number, see that it passes few train station so my mind set into an auto mapping gps mode, mapping which is the best route to take as I was waiting dutifully for the bus. And suddenly another bus passes by the bus stop slowly (bus 502) It's an express bus! And suddenly like a light bulb being switched on, I turned around at the direction board at bus stop. Jeez! 502 is an express bus that go straight to where I'm supposed to have lunch! I don't have to switch buses, or trains! Voila! I felt a sudden surge of stupidity!!!! Why didn't check the route of this bus in the first place?! I could have boarded the bus! I was almost getting harsh on my negligence. However, an insight struck me! I ask myself again, why didn't I check the timing of this bus in the first moment I look at the board. Answer? Simple! Because it is not a bus I'm familiar with. It's not in my mind! I realize how often we are almost always following the "natural" path, the familiar! My mind was busy mapping for alternative routes to get to the restaurant when there is a simple clean clear route waiting for me just right there! 

Lessons: 

1. This reminded me of the 3 feet from Gold concept! Sometimes, we get too caught up with the one way we know and we totally forgotten about other possibilities and objective. Imagine if the guy who tried to mine gold, were to dig it from the other side. Voila! Of course, I didn't find gold today, neither did I finish any napoleon hill's book yet. But the lesson I learn is that doing something familiar may be good. But it may not be the best way! Maybe the best way lies just a few feet from you. (In my case, the best way was indeed right there on the board few inches from me!) 
2. Sometimes, as we work hard, we have to continuously ask ourselves, is this the best way? Familiarity doesn't equate to most effective, or guaranteed results. Let us ask ourselves, what have we been doing the same way all the time? Is there any possibility we could do it other wise to reach a better result. 
3. If you see some possibilities, would you be ready to give it a try?! Do you have that gut!? 
4. Personally, I also realise perhaps it will be good to always prime our minds to look for better ways (not that current way is not good enough, but priming our minds to look for better ways indirectly have already formed a chain of energy that could possibly lead you to the "new and more efficient way") so that we will be more ready to accept it when that "way" reveal itself. Because I could have saw that bus passes by slowly and didn't turn my head around to check the route and continue waiting for the other bus (where I have to switch buses or train to get to my destinations) Imagine this. How would my scenarios be? But because I was trying to look for a better way so I won't be late for lunch! 

Instead of saying I'm nowhere, say I'm half way there to my goal

I'm supposed to do some work but well I can't focus and so decided to just do a recount of what I been through:

1. Finally went for first Chiropractic consultation after years of being told to do so by brother bear. It's expensive! Seriously if I charge a t shirt design for $300, it wouldn't even cover my consultation cost! haha Need to not work smart, but earn smart!! Anyway, guess this is the first time I'm allowing myself to spend $$ on my personal well being. The fact that I didn't go for chiro is mainly because with a standard amount of saving and no sudden out pour of $$ from the sky, to be able to afford for what my family needs is much more of a priority. But recently guess my body is seeking for my attention in various outlets! First, I had outbreak of rashes (which is still going on). Doc name it eczema. Well whatever it is, I believe in Bird not being too caught up with terms Doc used. And I spent almost $200 in total or more on trying to get rid of rashes and recover to before. Rashes are still popping out here and there. Follows by my neck seems to have no strength to support my heavy head and feels sharp pain when I try to turn too much. 3 weeks! not much of recovery! And follows by my wisdom tooth outbreak on the right! Jeez, can I deny the fact that my body is really longing for my attention and trying to tell me something.

2. Started reading about Reiki from a book Bird got for me! Again, Bird is my owl angel! haha bringing me "soul foodie" to buzzy bee who seems breaking apart physically. It makes me want to paint what I visualise. Self healing is the word. At 30, I'm beginning to see that achievements and growth is not just material results but most importantly well being and the ability to take care of my own well being, emotionally, physically, spiritually because in fact is the only thing we have power to influence.

3. Had a breakdown of emotions last night, didn't quite know why. I'm glad I have Bird to share my thoughts with and how I'm trying to understand what is that one thing I have to let go. I'm thankful that Bird instead of blaming me being unreasonable and emotional (which most of people does), he told me I made progress! YES! PROGRESS! my magic word! haha progress in that I didn't start blaming myself for getting emotional and recognise my effort in trying to reframe my mind. I am probably didn't fully know how to do it yet, but I'm to figure out. Because I'm sick of being in this downward spiral so suddenly out of no where and feeling lost and helpless. I didn't see it that I progress. I almost question myself why am I behaving this way again. But instead I took a practical approach of asking how do I live better?

4. Have an insight, instead of viewing myself at a lost junction, not knowing where to head to, I could see that this is not the end! This is the beginning of a new journey that calls upon a more powerful mindset, skills. 20's is about experiencing things, growing, learning. When I didn't see growth or major progress now doesn't mean I'm not progressing. It could simply means! I have done good, learn well in my 20's. Now it's time to rock n roll! Enjoy what my skills and knowledge have brought me. Recognize the achievements, tell myself I have reach the destination of my career. Now it's time to get on and surf the wave alittle. Be flexible. Be kind to myself. Trust that I'm already on the way I'm supposed to be on. Instead of saying I'm nowhere, say I'm half way there to my goal! wow! it feels great to say this thing out isn't it!

Seeing in different angles

Designed some simple graphics patterns with colourful shapes like hour glasses and disintegrated hourglass to illustrate time.

"Time is not about how much we accomplished. It's about how much we choose to live." - wrote this on the card to remind myself to live instead of keep trying to achieve.

I value growth and achievement. But thought there could b other perspectives to it.

Something I'm quite proud of today:
Kept quiet throughout meeting instead of trying to offering solutions to situations where any solutions given would be deem useless in some way.

Instead I learnt to smile more and engage in getting to know someone more. Her daughter is beautiful. Charming cheerful smile like hers.

I do a little humor as I allow my heart to be lighter today. Instead of being frustrated on certain unnecessary requests and pull a long face, I smile and crack a joke.

I did some technical drawings which would usually agitate me and make me doubt my worth. Again humor works a little and guess after the black out. episode recently, I kind of learn to take things easier. I drew them as instructed by bro bear who sat right beside me. Instead of sounding frustrated or uncooperative, I asked for his comments, how he wanted it and tried my best to illustrate what he have in mind. And as for my worth, well guess even though drawing technical stuffs is not what I would consider an exciting challenge or proud achievements, I did help to put what is in the mind to the paper. (that's a designer's original job anyway).

Had dinner with Bird, browse a book on many "whys" on earth, that kind of satisfy my quest or thirst for growth somehow. Yea it's not something phenomenon that I learnt or achieve but well any increase in knowledge is baby steps of human growth isn't it.

Remain mindful is a key to be appreciative

I was reading kind of intensely in the train, on my way to the east to meet Bird for breakfast. Suddenly something rolled past me and took my eyes from my iPad. It was an indian woman who seated on a handicap mobile bike, apparently steer her bike wrongly and instead of moving front, it rolled back and hit onto another passenger. The passenger was kind to immediately reassure the woman that it's alright. The woman was with a man, I would assume its her husband who carry a plank and laid it on the gap between the platform n train door for the woman to ride her bike over the plank to he platform. Just at this point, the train door is closing n just within a few seconds, the door closes just as the man pick up the plank and move out and place the plank at the back of the woman. Through the whole process, she seems nonchalant to the man and everything around her. It's understandable. She rode fast ahead of the man as they probably heading out of the station. But as an observer, something stirs some thoughts and emotion in me. A visual of a man and woman holding hands strolling along a park appear in my mind. This seemingly small and simple gestures and so much. Imagine riding the mobility bike and not able to hold hand with the partner. I feel for it, for her, for that moment. Maybe I'm feeling too much. But that's a call to be appreciative for each and every moment and gestures with thankfulness and grace. How would the man feel when the woman riding fast ahead seemingly filled with resentment. Well I have to clarify that all this is simply a slice of my perspectives. But frankly, this moment, situation and perspective is common and could happen to anyone of us. What we do? It's tough to remain thankful when there is something not so nice happen to us. This is the truth, but it is also important to be conscious about how we hold our perspectives and how our reactions, actions could affect people, loved ones around us.

Life in rainbow

Have been finding it so hard to settle down and write even though ideas, thoughts, words have been popping in and out. Finally, I'm on leave. Long awaited. Though it's just a few days but sometimes all you need is just that few days to get away from things, responsibilities for others and be responsible for myself. Jump out of bed, paranoid about work, make some phone calls and texts to settle things. Go back to bed and can't sleep. Woke up to breakfast and reading papers. Started raining heavily as the sun comes out to join the fun. My mum was saying the weather is mad. I told her excitedly "that means there is chance for rainbow!" I don't know exactly why I love rainbow so much! I just get excited each time I see one, knowing each one is a miracle that I seen. 

Because rainbow is created only at that precise angle where the sun shines its light on the little droplets of moisture in earth's atmosphere.

It shows the beautiful colours in a spectrum of light which we don't usually see in light we experience. In fact, I google about rainbow and visibility and realise its a gift that human can see such beautiful colours because most animals can't, except birds!!! Birds could see wider range of colors than us!! aww that is getting me sooo excited!!! And Im thankful that Birds can see colours because if not, they wouldn't know the beauty of their feathers eh. We tends to forget the gifts we have as human and not able to see our true power and beauty within. It is always here. We are born with gifts, it is up to us to unwrap each gift and let it shine. 

Speaking of rainbow, I used to look for it and hope I could see one. I will look up the sky and wonder where are the rainbow. How come I don't see one. I will feel disappointed when it seems everyone sees it except me and when I really do see one, I hope it could last longer. Or there are times when I literally run after a rainbow, trying to catch a better glimpse of it, but by the time, I reach there, its gone. I was disappointed once again. 

However, what I really miss is not the rainbow. What I really miss is living, life, miracles because beauty of rainbow exists in me. 

It is a gift that I am born to be able to witness rainbows. 

Each of us is like a light. We are made of beautiful colors. 

We can choose to recognize our colors, our gifts and let it shine.

There is no need to be disappointed where everyone sees it except me. Because the rainbow already exist in us, in the things we see, in our perspectives of things, in the life we touch. 

There is no need to wish it lasts longer because we can choose to let our "rainbow" shines, paint a beautiful picture and let our beauty lasts as long as we want.

There is no need to chase after rainbow because it is here. It has always been. 

Well,  I didn't see rainbow in the sky today. But as I look up, here's a beautiful sun rays shining through the dark clouds, shining its glorious beauty upon us. I wonder how many have witness this moment? Are we getting too used to being too busy to look up the sky and marvel at its grandeur? How many things have we missed when we are busy making things happen? 

This reminds me of a line in the song "Beautiful boy" by John Lennon; 

"Life is just what happens to you,

While your busy making other plans,"